Contend Earnestly: 9 Mostest Weirdest Stories of the Bible

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

9 Mostest Weirdest Stories of the Bible

I figured I would change things up some. I have not been able to have fun on the blog in a while as I have been doing a lot of posts and studies on Muslim/Christian relations. Hardly appropriate to drop funny lines when speaking of that topic. But, being that I like to both study the Bible and write humorously, I am trying to figure out why I haven't done this before. If you are new to this blog, I apologize ahead of time on my humor and writing style as I embark on this odd blog series. If you want to get used to what this might look like, I would tell you to take a look at my blog series called, "10 Steps to Become a Legalist." Which, I have to be honest, was one of my favorite blog series I have ever done. And, oddly, a pastor of a pretty large church in Alabama asked to use those blog posts for a sermon series.

My goals for this series are the following:

1. Have some fun and make you laugh. I am what some would call, an equal opportunity basher. I will make fun you at some point in this series. Please laugh. I will make fun of myself probably more. Please pray for my self-deprecating attitude with my idiosyncrasies.

2. Get people excited about the Old Testament. Let's be honest. Most people don't read the Old Testament unless their Sunday School teacher forces them to study through it to prove something. We all know that these teachers are usually monotone, and seem to take pleasure in picking out the most dry passages in the Old Testament and then taking two years going through them. All the while, feeling like he is more righteous because he gleans so much from these passages as you try and keep your head from bobbing while falling asleep. Probably why the Southern Baptists created the "quarter system" for Sunday School.

3. Get people to worship God and his glory through these passages. Most teachers are clueless on what the Old Testament is really about and how it connects with the overall story of God and His glory. The above mentioned baby sitters, I mean "teachers", love to tell you how to make yourself more like David or less like David, depending on the passage. They love to give you a list to follow so your faith can be like David's, or give you a list to follow so you don't murder a woman's husband after you have sex with her because you are a peeping Tom watching her take a bath. What these teachers miss, is that maybe these stories are telling us more about the glory of God, than how we can better ourselves.

So, these are my thoughts on why I want to go through these passages. Why 9? Because 9 is a strange number with no secret biblical code to unlock. At least I haven't found it to be one of yet with the bible code detector ring from my Rob Bell: You too can have faith like Peter's, Wheaties' box.

I also want to include you, the reader, to help me out. What are some weird stories that you have read in the Bible that you have no idea why they are there and have no idea how they would point to the glory of God. Or, are just plain odd and you think are funny. Because lets be honest...funny brings readers. Readers bring comments. Comments bring...well nothing really because I do this stupid blog for free and have never made a penny doing it. But, comments make me feel important, and might get me a Sunday School gig at your local 4th First Baptist Church.

So, either comment here, hit me up on twitter or Facebook or email me what weird stories you would like to see in this countdown of sorts.

Hopefully this will be a great series that will be enjoyable for everyone involved. And, I hope to make fun of you...a lot. But only so you see your weirdness and look more to Jesus.


Josh Montague said...

The Woman in the Basket - Zech 5:5-11

Zachary Bartels said...

The woman in the basket is a vision, not a narrative.

My faves have always been Jael and Sisera, Joab and Amasa (Amasa had a lot of guts...Joab saw that with his own eyes), the game of "Grab, Stab, and Die!" at the pool of Gibeon (2 Sam 2), The concubine who got chopped into 12 pieces, Ehud taking out Eglon (possibly while the latter was on the john), Daniel eating honey out of a rotting animal (YUCK!), the obvious ones like Balaam's talking donkey...but weirder than all of that: JESUS COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD!

SnatchedFromTheFire said...

Gotta have 2 Kings 2:23-25 where Elisha curses the young punks who are mocking his bald head and the two mother bears come out and rip apart like 40 of 'em! Crazy and terrifying all at once.

Josh Montague said...

Stories aren't exclusively found in narrative literature. They can be prophetic / apocalyptic visions.

I put it on Seth's Twitter feed and I'll put it here. Any "Odd Bible Stories" list that doesn't include the Bridegroom of Blood from Ex. 4:24-26 is woefully incomplete.

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