Hey Husbands...Grow Some

It is interesting when speaking to some about anger within the household and how it affects marriage. It is funny when someone jokingly asks, "So, after almost 10 years of marriage, how many times have you slept on the couch?" I quickly become as serious as an IFB preacher does when he hears rock music. I respond, "I never have, nor will I ever." This isn't because I am the man and believe it is my bed and my wife needs to deal with me. Not at all. I actually have a different outlook that some do when speaking of being angry with my spouse. But, I do believe it is the husband's job to resolve any conflict that is happening within the household.

The reason I tell husbands to "grow some" is because some men become so skittish around an angry wife they throw out all theological conviction for the cause of not having to confront an angry wife. This isn't godly in any way.

Scriptures tell us this:

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.
Ephesians 4:26-27

This is definitely not only speaking of marriage, but of a holy life in general. We can apply this verse in numerous ways, but in this post, I want to make a charge to the husbands.

Lead Your Wife

The one rule I started out with when Stacy and I were married is the rule that we wouldn't lay our head on our pillows angry at each other. Has this caused some crazy conflicts at 1am? Yep. Has this made our marriage better? Yes. Is there something more at stake here than a happy marriage? Of course.

I told my wife that I honestly wanted to work out conflict before we went to sleep, if there was any. I did not want to take our anger to the next day. Stacy didn't always enjoy this, but she knows that if we have conflict, it will be dealt with swiftly. But, husbands need to take charge in this to lead the wife in this area. It isn't that the wives aren't capable, but we are charged as husbands to lead our wives in this and show them the gospel in it. Ephesians 5 tells us that Christ is the head, both spiritually and physically, of the church and the husbands are to be such for their wives. Showing the wife the gospel by reconciliation each night is a great way to keep the cross and resurrection of Christ in front of the eyes for both partners.

Sometimes this takes great humility from the husband to apologize to the wife and tell her that you were wrong. Sometimes it takes you growing some and telling the wife that she was in sin how she reacted and responded in her time of anger. Our wives are not immune from Scripture when it tells us:

We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.
1 Thessalonians 5:14-15

The wives are included in this context. Now, just as you wouldn't tease a UFC fighter for being overweight, you don't want to come at your wife in an attitude of pride. Come to her in humility, first apologizing if you responded or acted in any way that was unbecoming of a loving husband, but grow some and tell her if she was wrong. Believe me, sometimes this isn't fun, but I have noticed that for the most part, if I come to my wife in the right way, she responds in humility and loving repentance. She also knows it is coming before night's end as well, since we have the rule that we will never go to sleep angry.

Opportunity for Gospel Presence Not Satan's

Notice the second part of the verse here. It states,

and do not give the devil an opportunity

If you allow anger to ferment, the devil will win out and the gospel loses its opportunity. What this verse is really stating is that something will have an opportunity, it will either be the gospel or it will be the devil. If we deal with our anger with our spouse, we give opportunity for the gospel to show itself and clean our hearts. Think of this. If you deal with anger with your spouse, you and her have the chance to speak of repentance, forgiveness, the cross, the resurrection and the hope of heaven ruled by God where no sin and no (unrighteous) anger will exist. When you deal with sin together as a married couple you get a chance to see the gospel with your eyes, you and your spouse have the chance to see Christ face to face.

If you do not deal with your anger quickly, you instead give the devil opportunity. Every chance the devil gets, he will quickly rush in and squander gospel opportunity. He will give the one angered pride, he will give them questions on the love of the spouse, questions on motives of the spouse, questions on the spouse's commitment, etc. Remember he is prowling around like a lion looking for someone to devour. Being angry with your spouse is like unlocking the gate and throwing your spouse in the lion's cage. Just as Paul states elsewhere that if either spouse deprives the other of sexual intimacy, it gives Satan an opportunity, so does anger.

I have heard it stated that the passage in 1 Corinthians 7 is showing that if you deprive your spouse, it allows Satan in your marriage bed. I do not know any husband that wouldn't freak out like a Jerry Springer guest if they saw another in their marriage bed, why would we allow Satan? Husbands must take this head on and not give the devil the opportunity to move in and stir up trouble.

The husband must grow some and take anger head on. I must say that if the husband ever allows his wife or himself to sleep on the couch because of anger he is no man and he is not leading his wife and he needs to grow some and start leading his wife instead of wearing a skirt and being a pansy. When we as husbands do not lead our wives in the area of anger we give the devil an opportunity to squash the gospel. When we as husbands decide that our pride is more important than our wives and ultimately the gospel, we might as well call ourselves "daughters of the devil" because we don't even deserve to be called "sons of the devil."

Husbands, grow some. Lovingly lead your wife so that both of you can continually see the gospel and Christ face to face.

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All Men Should Watch This

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How Do You Define the Term Pastor? Part II

In the first post on this topic I tried to pack in as much as possible to show why the terms elder/shepherd/pastor/overseer/bishop are all synonymous when speaking of the New Testament church. I will also say that I believe in the plurality of elders/pastors in a church as well. I grew up in SBC churches where there was a Pastor/Elder and then the rest were deacons, which I do not believe is the biblical standard set by Paul to Titus (Titus 1:5) and also in regards to seeing the church's council led by James and the other elders (Acts 21:18).

To continue with this post I wanted to draw on the understanding of what deacons do in the church and then answer the question of whether I would attend a specific church that was brought up by Melissa here. To understand what a deacon is supposed to do, it would seem that we need to understand what the elders are to do. We find that in the descriptions that we laid out in the last post, the elders/pastors are to watch over the church, this is why they are also called overseers. They are to be the leaders of the church and Paul says that they are to be able to teach sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. Explicitly, in 1 Timothy 3:2, they are said to be able to teach. So, we see that elders are to be sound teachers of doctrine and also able to contradict the crazy people who come through the doors trying to parade around like a sheep with their wolf tail sticking out the back of their suit.

So, then, what does a deacon do? The first time that we see what is probably deacons, is found in Acts 6. What was happening is that the apostles and other disciples were so busy that they weren't able to keep up with the demand of growth in the church. So, they said that they needed some people to step up and help. The apostles needed this to happen so that they could perform the duty of an elder, namely, to pray and teach. The first deacons were merely distributors of goods to the congregation. They did this so that the apostles could stay on task of teaching and praying.

The term deacon is a tricky word in the Greek. It seems the closest we can get to the term is someone who is a waiter. What we can then derive from the term is that a deacon is a servant of the church that does the things to make sure that the pastors/elders are focused on the ministry of the word and prayer. What one finds when they look to 1 Timothy is that the only differences found between elders and deacons is that a deacon doesn't have to be able to teach and the deacon can also be a woman. Whereas, elders are only men and must be able to teach. If you would like to read more on this topic from my other posts, click here.

So, deacons have the same moral qualifications that elders have and are chosen by the congregation or elders to aid the church in whatever capacity is needed.

One might now ask, "What is a director?" Some churches have the term "director" in their titles. So, you might have a Music Director, Youth Director or Children's Director. The only time we see the term used in the Bible is in the Old Testament, and most of the time we find it in the Psalms when referring to the choir director. The term is also translated as supervisor, overseer or to lead. My guess is that churches aren't using the term because of it's biblical understanding but more because of traditional usage of the term within the church.

Is the usage of the term a sin? I don't believe so, but I just don't believe it is as accurate as it should be. I believe that if the church were to stay in line with Scripture for the New Testament church, it would be better to turn all the "directors" into deacons or deaconesses. There is really no need to use the term director and when using an ambiguous term it is hard to have restrictions on conduct and moral qualifications. But, when you turn the term director into deacon, now you have qualifications listed in the Bible that pertain to all leaders in the church. Now you have Scripture to go to for qualifications for those positions that are filled with the leaders of the church. If you think about this, this is actually a very good thing. What I have seen in the past is that someone is chosen because they can breathe, to lead a ministry. That can be very dangerous. If one is held to the standard of deacon, it should actually keep the position more pure and keep from making a careless, quick decision.

Tradition is probably the only thing that holds us back from doing this. We are used to deacons being the guys that take out the garbage and clean the gutters. That's not the complexity of the way that deacons were used in the New Testament. The complexity of the deacon in the Bible, are those chosen to do whatever is needed to keep the elders praying and teaching. Think of everything that has someone as a lead in your church that isn't done by an elder. Those in leadership and ministry positions should be held to a high standard.

Now for the last question. Would I attend a church that had a woman pastor? The quick answer is no. The longer answer is that if I felt compelled to attend this church, I would gather with the leadership to ask them about their titles and have them biblically define them. If in the end they were still not convinced that women cannot be pastors or that they still defined pastors and elders differently, I would have to abstain from attending. Does this mean that I don't consider them Christian brothers and sisters? Not at all. But my conviction to Scripture would withhold me from joining them for weekly worship as a community of believers.

As far as the specific church that Melissa asked about, it would seem that I would need them to give me reason why this woman was called a pastor. Is she teaching or preaching adult males? If so, then I wouldn't attend. If not, I would simply challenge them in their definition of terms and show why they are in error with making a distinction between pastors from elders. I would tell them that to get back in line with the Scriptures, they need to simply name her as a deaconess. If this were to happen, I would have no problem attending the church based on that information.

I hope this discussion has helped. If you have any questions or need clarification, please comment or email.

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How Do You Define the Term Pastor?

So, yesterday Melissa asked a question about a church in my area that has a woman as a pastor. Melissa’s question was simply,

How would you define “pastor”? and…Would you then not attend this church because of this female pastor?

As I went to the church’s site, what I found was a conglomerate of positions that needed to be defined. They had elders, pastors and then directors. It seems as though they have the terms confused and very poorly defined within the confines of the local church.

What I will try to do in this series is to simply give the definitions as seen in the Bible and then give the correct definitions of what the roles should be for their church and then answer the question of “Would I attend this church?” This is not meant to be exhaustive, so if you have comments or further discussions please ask away.

You will see right off the bat that I define the terms pastor, elder, shepherd, overseer and bishop in the same breath. They are equivalents and defined in the Bible as such. Let me just give you the quick Greek definitions of each of these:

Elder: This is either an elderly person in regards to age, or one who is a leader in the church. Because Paul tells Titus (Titus 1:5) to “appoint elders” one would seem to think that the latter is the better usage as a whole. The Jewish elder was one who had authority and was usually old. Because Timothy and Titus were elders or shepherds we can see that to be older doesn't necessarily mean in age, but probably more in that of wisdom and knowledge. If we translate that into NT usage, an elder would then be an appointed man to be in authority of the local church, both physically and spiritually.

Pastor: this means to be a herdsman or a shepherd and is only translated as pastor in Ephesians 4:11 .

Shepherd: One who has authority, watches over and entrusted with a flock

Overseer/Bishop: One who has authority over something and is in charge

Now that we have laid out some very quick definitions let’s take a look at how this plays out. In the Scriptures the OT would define those who led God’s people as the elders or shepherds of God’s people. The imagery in the OT refers to God’s people as his sheep and the leaders over them as his shepherds:

For the shepherds have become stupid
And have not sought the Lord;
Therefore they have not prospered,
And all their flock is scattered.
Jeremiah 10:21

You can also take a look at (Nm 27:17; 1 Kgs 22:17; Jer 12:10; 22:22; 23:1, 2)

What we soon find out is that the transition from the rulers of Israel being called the Shepherd to the coming Messiah being called shepherd:

Hear the word of the Lord, O nations,
And declare in the coastlands afar off,
And say, “He who scattered Israel will gather him
And keep him as a shepherd keeps his flock.”
Jeremiah 31:10

Not only will God give us the Messiah as our Chief Shepherd, but he will also give us mere men as shepherds who will watch over our souls:

Then I will give you shepherds after My own heart, who will feed you on knowledge and understanding.
Jeremiah 3:15

As Jesus then comes as the Messiah he takes on this name of the great Shepherd as was promised:

Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord,
Hebrews 13:20

So, we can definitely see this picture from the Old Testament to the New Testament, in that, the rulers were a picture of Christ and Israel was a picture of the true flock of God, those in Christ.

A couple of verses will help us with this understanding of how overseers and elders are also referred to as shepherds or pastors. One must also know that the only time that the term “pastor” is used is found in Ephesians 4:11 and all other times the term is found to be synonymous with the term “shepherd”. Because a shepherd and elder have the exact same function, which is to be the one that is in authority over the church and oversee it we can see that all elders are pastors, and all pastors are elders. There is no difference. They both are to teach, they both are to lead the congregation, they are both to shepherd the flock of God. To separate the two would seem to confuse the terms and how it was used in the OT imagery for the NT. Further, they are used synonymously in the NT:

Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.
Acts 20:28

The term “overseer” in this verse is given the same definition of an elder or bishop of a church. They are to watch over the church, they are to shepherd the flock of God that has been entrusted to them. You can also see the same usage of terms when you read the qualifications and interchangeability of each in Titus 1:5-9. The point being though is that they have been entrusted with the flock of God and should point to the greatest Shepherd and his leadership as found in 1 Peter 2:25

For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
1 Peter 2:25

This puts shepherd/pastor, guardian/overseer and elder in the same breath, making them synonymous. So, there is really no difference between an overseer, elder, shepherd or pastor.

We do the same thing to show that Christ is God.

…by the righteousness of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ:
2 Peter 1:1

We use this verse to show that the person who is both God and Saviour is Jesus Christ. So, when we see that shepherd and overseer are used in the same fashion, we can see that
they are just different words to complete the picture of the one that is leading the church of Christ.

Another example. If one were to describe myself, they could say that I am a father, son, husband, brother and friend. These all give more insight to who I am as a person on this earth, but I remain the same person. With the Scriptures, it gives different names to describe the same person so one can know more clearly what this person of the church is called to do.

I don’t see any reason to separate the office of overseer, elder, pastor or shepherd. This is a very short argument, so it is really to open up the study of the positions, not convince those in opposition.

If you want to see why I do not believe a woman should be in any of these positions, you can read the following post on that topic. Tomorrow we’ll continue with this and we will define what a deacon is and also try and answer what a church means by “director” when they use it for the term “Youth Director” or “Mission’s Director” and such. Then, in the end I will answer the question, “Would I attend a church who had a woman pastor on staff?”

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Can a Woman Baptize People?

Last night I taught on water baptism and then I opened it up for questions. We had many good questions about baptism but the one that struck me was the question of, "Is there anything wrong with a woman who baptizes someone?"

From my studies on baptism I noticed one thing that was apparent in Paul's ministry. He did not put much attention on the one doing the baptism. So much so, that he made sure to condemn those who were caught up and bragging about who baptized them.

Now I mean this, that each one of you is saying, “I am of Paul,” and “I of Apollos,” and “I of Cephas,” and “I of Christ.” Has Christ been divided? Paul was not crucified for you, was he? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, so that no one would say you were baptized in my name. Now I did baptize also the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized any other. For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech, so that the cross of Christ would not be made void.
1 Corinthians 1:12-17

Paul is trying to explain that the person who baptized you is not the most important, but as he says in verse 17 speaks of, the gospel is of the utmost importance, not baptism. Paul says that Christ sent him specifically to preach, not baptize. This does not mean that baptism is not important, but the gospel is of first importance.

In my old churches that I have spent time in it was always the lead pastor who baptized people, which is fine, but he is not the only one who should be allowed to baptize. We find in the Scriptures that Philip the deacon baptized the Eunuch in Acts 8 and that in all probability Ananias baptized Paul (even though we do not know for sure). Ananias was just called a "disciple" meaning he was no more than a mere Christian in the early church and yet he was commissioned to baptize someone who was going to write most of the New Testament.

The point is that those who we find baptizing people were not only elders in the New Testament. We also find no where in the Scriptures that forbids the woman baptizing anyone. What we do find is that those who lead the person to a faith in Christ was more than likely the one who would baptize someone. Because I have no issue with women teaching Sunday school, sharing the gospel and being on the mission field, there would be many instances where someone would feel compelled to have that woman baptize them.

In the end, I have never seen a woman baptizing another, but as long as she is humble, like any man should be when baptizing, I find no Scriptural basis on why a woman couldn't baptize someone.

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The Role and Man and Woman in Singleness

This topic bothers me a little bit. The reason is that most people, when thinking of single people will tell them to be “content” or to "fight through the trial of being single." There are really two extreme thoughts of singleness. The Evangelical Christian community, in most circles, sees singleness as a curse where Catholicism sees it as the greatest and highest form of piety. Both are wrong.

I have noticed people who don't even know the person who is single to say some crazy stuff, like
"You will find your spouse one day" or the funniest one is "I'll be praying for you that you will find your spouse." I have seen this happen with people who aren't asking for prayer to find a spouse, who take seriously their singleness and actually feel called to be single. The sad part is that most of us do not see singleness as a way of life, but we see it as a means to death.

Let’s first take a look at singleness and the reason some are called by God to be single.

Look to 1 Corinthians 7.

The things to notice that Paul is trying to get across is that there are people who are called to be single, Paul was one of them. But the true calling if you are single is to devote your time where?
To the Lord.

Paul makes the statement that if you are married, you have some devotion that you must give to not only your spouse, but then if you have children them as well.

Who is the single person devoted to? The Lord

Who is the married person with children devoted to? Both the Lord, the spouse and the children. Then comes when your children get married, grandkids and the like. The list of devotion gets very long, where as with the single person they are one minded towards God for devotion.

I have seen some great men and women of God who serve in the church when they are single and show this devotion but I have also seen those who are single and use it for the selfish desires of their heart instead of what God is calling them to: devotion to Him alone.

This is a high calling. You will notice that Paul says that the prerequisite of a single person is to have self control. They are to be devoted to God and they are to make sure that they call on the Lord daily to help them with the battle of sexual lust and desire. This is why most people aren't called to be single, they want to have a spouse and Paul says, "if you desire sex, get married" (my translation). This term self control is one that is used for athletes getting ready for the games would abstain from certain foods, wine and sexual indulgence so that all their devotion is in the training for the games that they desire to win.

In the same way, the single person is to have self control and keep it in the forefront of their mind of what is tempting and what will make them fall and stay away from those desires. Just as an athlete getting ready for the Olympics don't go into the bakery for merely the scent, neither should the single person surround themselves that will cause them to fall. When done correctly, the single person can be used greatly by the Lord.

I have seen great missionaries who were single all the way to great administrators of the church. Paul's point in singleness is that you literally only have one worry and one devotion and that is to God. A life wasted would be a single person using it for the sake of a career where they never talk about God, show people Christ or minister to the church. Everything we went through with the role of the husband and role of the wife is completely negated for the most part for the single person. They are free to serve only God and look to him and his work alone. What an amazing calling. I pray that we start seeing it more like a calling instead of a curse.

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The Role of Women: Part III

Woman’s Role Found in Christ

Think of this. An excellent woman will work all day and night to get the household in order, she will help with finances if that is truly needed, she will be in subjection to the husband, even if he is a jerk, she brings along younger women, she can’t be an elder, she can’t teach a man from the pulpit…

Is this fair? Is it fair that a man can’t have a baby? Can’t grow close to the child through nursing? I don’t think it is an issue of fairness…it is just different.

What would society, or even some churches say, if you as a woman were to say to your husband, "Here is what I think, but I will gladly submit to whatever decision you deem to be the best under the rule of Christ."

What would society think of this? What do you think of this?

Look to Luke 22:41-42

And He withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and began to pray, saying, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.”
Luke 22:41-42


Look to Phil 2:3-11

What is the main purpose in this passage? Understanding humility through Christ.

For what purpose did Christ show humility? Verse 11 states that it was for the glory of God the Father

So, Jesus humbled himself to come down from His glory, to live a perfect life, to die on the cross, put to shame by men, to take our sin, and to rise again.

Did God the Father do this? Did the Holy Spirit do this? No.

So Christ has a different role than the other persons of the Trinity? Yes.

Why did Christ come to earth? To glorify God

Why is the Holy Spirit in us? John 16:14 says to glorify Christ.

So, God the Father is the just judge of all things, Christ is the ransom for our sins to take away the wrath of God, and the Holy Spirit is the helper and the One who calls us to the Lord’s side.

Anyone willing to say one is less important than the other? Anyone want to say that God the Father is a repressive Being against the Son and the Spirit?

Do husbands and wives have different roles? Yes. Does either make one more important than the other? No.

Christ sums up why he was here on this earth in John 17:4

I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.
John 17:4

This should also be the wife’s plea for her husband. To glorify her husband and do the work which was given her to do. This is not oppresive or unfair, this is the biblical mandate for how we, through marriage, glorify God. Through a godly marriage we show a picture of the Trinity.

Conclusion

Women’s roles are difficult and especially hard in today’s society. But, if you follow what the roles have called you to be there is an amazing charge to you that you are fulfilling:

Titus 2:5 says that you are making sure that the word of God is not dishonored.

Think of this! You are bringing honor to the word of God by following what you are called to be.

The question for women is this: Do you want to honor man or God in the work you have been given?

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,
Colossians 3:23

It is better to take refuge in the LORD
Than to trust in man.
Psalm 118:8

You ladies, just like the man, have a very high calling. The question is who are you going to glorify and take refuge in? Man or God?

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The Role of Women: Part II

Role of Women in the church

I don’t want to be a broken record so I am not going to continue to delve into what all God’s people are called to do, but I will reiterate it once again…all are to serve in the church in some way, including the women. They are to employ their gift to help the body of Christ.

Specifically we find the role of the woman in Titus 2.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Titus 2:3-5

Notice how verse 3 is set up. It is the prerequisites of the older women so that they can live out verses 4 and 5. We see this with the term that is used in verse 4, “so.”

It is like me saying, I took this aspirin so I my headache would go away. I read my bible, so I will know how God wants me to praise him and live my life.

So, older women are to be reverent in their behavior: Which is really a term that is used to show that their actions are on target with sound doctrine. They are showing by their actions, their understanding of Scripture.

Not malicious gossips: (not just used with women, Romans 1:29; 2 Cor 12:20) This is just as it sounds. They are not people that look to others and their faults and then go and tell others about them. But older women are to be Christ like, they are to build up the body not tear it down. This term is actually the term used to define Satan: it is to falsely accuse, to slander

Enslaved to much wine: Just like the elders of the church the women are not to be drunkards neither are the older women.

Teaching what is good: This is interesting that this is what is a prerequisite of an older woman. They are to teach what is good. This can be both doctrine, as it is flowing from the above mentioned qualification of being reverent in behavior and also practical things as well.
It is the antonym of the use of “false teachers” in other parts of Scripture. This term is used for one who teaches things that are both good and right.

Think of it this way. A woman comes to an older, or more mature woman and tells her, “My husband shows me no respect, what am I to do?”

The more mature woman would teach her the doctrines of understanding what it means to be a godly wife, the doctrines of who God is, the doctrine of who the woman is, namely a sinner. She could teacher her how she has been forgiven of these sins because of the cross. Then comes what is spoken of in Titus 2:4,5

so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Titus 2:4-5

She can show how the woman should love her husband because of this and then give her some practical ways to live this out. This all comes from the understanding though that the younger women will only come to this older woman if she lives out her doctrine in reverence, if she doesn’t gossip, not addicted to wine and is a woman who teaches what is good.

The other role that we find for the woman is in 1 Timothy 3:11

Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
1 Timothy 3:11

This verse comes right in the middle of the description of the qualifications of a deacon. We find the word women in 1 Timothy 3:11 and some translations will have “their wives” as though this was referring to the deacon’s wives. This would seem odd. The reason being that this would mean that the deacon’s have more qualifications than the elders do. There is no mention of the elder’s wives at all in the previous passage or anywhere else that elders are mentioned.

The term here for “wives” or “women” are used interchangeably elsewhere, so we would be best guided by the passages context. In this context it would seem that this is speaking of another part of the church’s office, namely deaconesses. We also see that the term “likewise” is used here to show a continuation of thought of the roles of the deacons to extend likewise to the deaconess.

What is interesting is that most churches employ deaconesses in their churches, they just call them something different. They call the ladies “nursery coordinators”, “children’s ministry coordinators” etc. The ladies are doing exactly what a deacon is called to do: minister to others so that the elders and pastors can devote themselves to prayer and the ministry of the word (Acts 6:4)

Lastly the reason that we find it okay for deaconesses is because the only thing that differs from elders and deacons is the ability to teach. The elders are called to teach, preach sound doctrine and refute those who contradict. Women are called to not teach or preach over a man in the church. We find this in 1 Timothy 2:11-14.

You will notice that Paul takes this back to Adam and Eve to his present day. Paul is speaking specifically to Timothy and how the church is to be run throughout this epistle. So, when Paul states this, it is not because he was influenced by his culture. His culture said that women were worthless, yet Paul continually defends women and says something pretty profound in this very passage. He says, “a woman should learn…” This is far reaching to that culture. Paul was giving the women the right to learn, something that the culture frowned upon highly in his culture. Later we find that women had a prominent role in Paul’s ministry, so he would have had no issue in making them elders, if that was the plan of God. The fact is that Paul could not be more clear in the woman’s role in the church. This is why he takes it out of his own culture and points all the way back to the original parents: Adam and Eve.

Women have a great role in the church, it just happens that God has stated that one of their roles is not to be a pastor or elder in the church. The same is found in the Old Testament that the highest role in the church was the priest, and no woman was allowed to be a priest either. Paul gives us the reasoning in showing an example in Adam and Eve. Women should not take this as a degradation, but should understand that this is just how God has determined it to be. There are also many men who will never be a pastor or elder either because they have different roles as well. We see this through everyday life too. Men and women are just different in many ways. This isn't bad, it is sometimes just physics. I don't yell at God because I can't have a baby. Mostly, I thank him because of it :).

The desire of the women to have authority in the church is seen thoroughly in the today's church and is derived from the same reasoning that we see when we spoke of the woman "desiring" her husband. Part of the curse employed the woman to desire to usurp the God given authority that has been laid above her. Sadly, many women find this to be a slap in the face to be told that they cannot be an elder or pastor in the church and find some very strange exegesis of Scripture to try and give reasoning on why Paul was teaching something either different or plain wrong.

In our next post, we will look at how Christ is the perfect example to the woman in their role that God has given them.

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The Role of Women: Part I

This is always a fun topic. What I want all to know is that I am not condemning all women that work. Far from it. I am condemning the fact of women who could be at home, and choose to go to work while their kids are raised by a nanny or day care for the sake of making gobs of money. I know that there are many women who work because the family needs it. What I disagree with is when the woman works when the kids are young and the home is in disarray. Most of this post comes at those who are women's lib and believe that women can and should do what every man can. Although I agree that most women can do far superior work than a man in many things, this doesn't mean that they should. These posts are focused on the roles that God has set up, which speaks directly against our norm in our western culture.

I am continually reminded of this when I think back to when my wife and I had our first kid and my wife was a nanny for another woman who did not need to work. The woman told my wife, "I need to use my brain, so I have to go to work." To put it nicely, this lady is as stupid as they come if she truly thinks this. She is now divorced and her family is in disarray. I am not saying that I am happy this happened, nor am I saying that all women who work will have this happen. It is just interesting that as this lady used her brain at work, she ignored the most important aspect of her role, and that was to be a wife and a mother. It is a sad situation and we still pray for her.

I can easily show why this becomes a tough topic or at least one that is controversial…

What is the popular view of women and their roles in the world?

Just listen to some of these quotes: '

Women are the only oppressed group in our society that lives in intimate association with their oppressors.
Evelyn Cunningham

I ask no favors for my sex.... All I ask of our brethren is that they will take their feet from off our necks.
Sarah Moore Grimké

This is no simple reform. It really is a revolution. Sex and race because they are easy and visible differences have been the primary ways of organizing human beings into superior and inferior groups and into the cheap labour in which this system still depends. We are talking about a society in which there will be no roles other than those chosen or those earned. We are really talking about humanism.
Gloria Steinem

So when we teach that the woman is to be in subjection to her husband in everything, both physically and spiritually it is easy to see where the difficulties lie.

Women’s Role in Marriage

Let’s just get the first one right out of the way.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Ephesians 5:22-23

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
1 Peter 3:1

But let’s make sure we understand why these are so hard for the world to hear. It comes from the curse.

Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you.
Genesis 3:16

This verse is actually very much correlated with Genesis 4:7

If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.
Genesis 4:7

This word for desire is to show a serious struggle of sin and man. This term is used negatively in both Genesis 4:7 and in Genesis 3:16 to mean a desire to dominate. What is the struggle going to be for the woman? The subjection to her husband. The curse for woman was not that man was placed over her, but that she would continually desire to usurp his authority and the God ordained role as ruler over her.

What was designed at creation was that man would always rule over her, the roles were established before the fall, not because of the fall. What sin caused was that she would no longer want to be in subject, but the desire is now, the struggle is now, to stay in her role.

Women are to care for her husband and household above all things:

Not only is the woman subject to her husband but she is also supposed to care for him and her household above all other things.

But this care starts with the conclusion in Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:30

There are many implications of this verse but we must know that a good Christian woman will do all these things for her husband and household for one reason: God’s glory and the fear of Him. She will not do anything to disgrace her husband, but her final authority rests in God.

She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:12

Now, how does the Bible show that the woman is supposed to live out this calling of care for the husband and household?

She is a worker at home

to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Titus 2:5

The main function of a loving and excellent wife is to make sure that the home is in order in all ways. This is both the physical home and the care taking of those that live in it. This term “worker” means: A keeper at home, one who looks after domestic affairs with discretion and care

This is the hardest thing I have ever heard someone having to do, as far as physically, that I have ever seen. Men must provide for the family, must be ready to die for his wife, must be ready to build her up and in all things his most important duty is to present his wife holy and blameless.

For the wife, she is the home’s caretaker. How many hours per week do you think is the average in the United States? 33.8

So if we take that and look at an average work week for someone in the U.S. it would be working Monday through Friday from 8am to 3:45pm (if they take an hour lunch break)

Ask any mom when she "clocks out" and you will get an odd look like you have two heads.

Look to Proverbs 31:12-28

Notice that she is always doing something for the household. Does this even speak of her sleeping? Verse 18 says that her lamp does not go out at night.

The woman gets little sleep if she needs to get things done for the betterment of the household. Does she get praised? Nope, not from the outside world. Notice who gets all the worldly praise in verse 23: the husband. Ever heard behind every great man there is a great woman? This is a biblically true statement found in chapter 31 of Proverbs.

Notice that she even has to help with provision if the household needs it. She works to help provide if needed. Buying a field to provide for a vineyard.

The house cold because of snow? She clothes them in verse 21.

What is her reward for all this? The household praises her. Verse 28.

Does a wife and mother only do this if the household praises her and honors her? Does she only do this if the husband is a good husband?

Actually, if you notice, it never says that in Proverbs 31. Even more specifically, look to 1 Peter 3.

I will say that if the husband notices that the wife is spending many hours with the house and little time to relax and rest, that he needs to love his wife and help out as much as he can. If he watches his wife run herself into the ground, he is not loving her like Christ loved the church. This post is not an excuse for the man to sit around and order the wife around like a slave. Those kinds of men should be taken out and beaten by the godly men of the church. He should be punished like a child because he is acting like an immature child. So use Proverbs for the reason to beat him like one (I of course say this in jest...kind of):

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15

Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
Proverbs 23:13

We can’t get into this completely, but notice the woman’s calling is to be submissive even if they are against God! Does this mean that the woman doesn’t do the things she is supposed to in God’s word? No, but she must be careful not to shame her husband or usurp his authority. Husband decides to buy a really nice car instead of giving to the poor? That is his decision and she must follow. Can the woman put in her input? Yes of course, but the final decision is the man’s.

What is she to do if she completely disagrees with how he is running the house, if he doesn’t help, if he seems unloving? She is to continue to serve him with love.

The woman has a high calling at home. It is her first priority.

To sum up, she is to fear God above all else, and to love God above all, and then she is to love the man as herself.

What I will point back to is that you must understand all this under the rule and authority of the godly roles that God has place upon us. If the man is dying for his wife for the glory of God and the woman is submitting to God as she submits to her husband, the house will be ran well, because this is how God has designed it. Any other way, is not the godly one. It might seem well on the outside, it might seem like it works, but in the long run, it is not the way that God intended the house to be ran.

In the next posts we will look at the woman's role in the church and the woman's role found in Christ. Again, large topic that we are covering in blog posts, so if you have questions, please don't hesitate to comment.

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The Role of Man Part II

With this post we are going to give some quick cliff notes to the role of man in church and then our greatest example found in Christ. Again, this is just a quick synopsis, so if you have questions or challenges, please feel free to comment and we can dig in further.

The Role of the Man in the Church

Look to 1 Timothy 3

The role of man in the church is told to us here.

The role of man that we see here is to be an overseer. This word is also used to mean, elder, shepherd. The word literally means: an overseer. a man charged with the duty of seeing that things to be done by others are done rightly, any curator, guardian or superintendent. The superintendent, elder, or overseer of a Christian church.

This cannot be a woman. Notice first, the many times the term “he” and the term "man" is used in the preceding statements. You will also notice that this man, is to be a husband of one wife. This is pretty specific, and never gives a hint of a woman being permitted to be a pastor or elder. If that isn’t enough, then also look at 1 Timothy 2:11-15 (this will be further explained in the post on the role of women) What I will say here is that the point is that Adam was the head of woman, he was the "firstborn", she was deceived, yet Adam was the one held responsible. This is very big deal, and we will again discuss this further when we look to the role of women.

Lastly look also to Titus 1:5-9

Notice the man must be able to exhort in sound doctrine, or instruct, encourage and strengthen by teaching doctrine and refute those who contradict.

How Does this speak to the rest of the men in the church?

This is all speaking directly to those who are the overseers, elders and shepherds of the church, but this is also speaking to all men. Paul told all of his followers to imitate him as he imitated Christ. So, we too, who are not elders, pastors and shepherds are called to imitate our elders.

Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.
Hebrews 13:7

Even apart from this, every man is to do just as every woman is supposed to do and that is to serve in the church.

As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
1 Peter 4:10

This is so important, especially for the men, because their family and wives are supposed to follow the man’s lead, and what better way to follow the husband and father than in service to the Lord. The ministry is not more important than the family but is also not to be replaced by the family or job. But these must work together.

Part of our devotion to God is our service to God. Part of our service to God, is service to the church.

Our Greatest Example

One of the biggest cries from people who hear teachings is, “Give me an example.” So I will give you the greatest example in all these things and that is Jesus Christ.

How was Jesus our greatest example in marriage? Although he was the head of the church, he did everything that was possible for them, even to death.

Who was the head? Jesus

What did Christ do for the church and his people?

We already read in Eph 5:25-27 that Christ died, sanctified, cleansed and presented the church.

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
1 Peter 2:21-25

The Bible basically says this to us men. “You want to be married? Then you must imitate Christ and how he handled the church when you look to your wife and family.”

It is a high calling, not a caveman calling.

Christ also shows us practically that he not only did all this out of humility but he also served the apostles:

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.
John 13:3-5

What about our calling as men in the church?

Christ taught in the temple, he learned in the temple, and he refuted those who contradicted. Jesus was our ultimate example of knowing doctrine and refuting those who did not know doctrine from the Father.

Jesus is always our ultimate example in everything we do, there is no difference here.

Conclusion

This is a little different than the caveman mentality that is purported about Christians from other denominations and also the secular world, is it not?

The problem is that there are many jerks out there teaching the caveman tactics, instead of the calling of the man that is commanded in Scripture.

Think of this again. Here is the synopsis if you are a man:

You are to:

Be ready to die for your spouse
Be held in judgment for all the decisions of the house
Responsible for the spiritual growth of wife and children
Responsible for the salvation of the household
Responsible for the physical aspects of the household
Be leaders in the church
Know doctrine to teach, exhort, admonish and refute
Humble
Above reproach
Not self willed
Not quick tempered
Not addicted to wine
Not quarrelsome
Not Greedy
Having faithful children
Hospitable
Loving Good
Self controlled
Holding fast to the faithful word
Gentle
Peaceable

This is the calling of the man. You still going to hold on to the caveman approach of “Me in charge of woman!” or do you see the amazing example given to us by our Saviour, Jesus Christ?

5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,
6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Philippians 2:5-8

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Mr. Mom and Sarah Palin

I recently put in my Facebook status update the following:

Seth wonders why so many conservatives are going to vote for McCain/Palin when this will take a new mother out of the home into one of the most demanding jobs around.

I was just making an observation and people went crazy. Which is alright, and I love discussing issues with people, as long as they don't get mad or angry. I don't think anyone did in this quick discussion, but I figured that since I got 31 comments on a status update that this must be hitting people as important. What I thought I would do is give some posts on the role of the man, and the role of the woman in a family situation. So, this will be the first post on the role of the man. I probably will follow up these series of posts with a post on singleness, as many people don't speak about this these days. Also, please note that there are exceptions to all these rules. Some of these would include a man who has been injured and can't work, is handicapped, illness, etc. The following are posts that would consider a healthy man and woman in a marriage. If you have questions as far as exceptions, please ask.

The Role of the Man in Marriage

The Man is the head of the house

This takes on many implications. Look to Eph 5:22-30

See the implications of this calling? Men love to snicker and point to the fact that they are the heads of the woman. But this is no ordinary calling. Eph 5:24 does tell us that the men are literally the heads of the household in marriage, being the fact that the woman is subject to the man. Genesis 3 says that part of the curse was that it was now going to be difficult for woman to deal with this, but the fact is, the man is the head. We will spend more time speaking of this in the posts regarding the role of the woman in marriage.

But look at this difficulty with this responsibility.

First. You are to be ready to die to self for your wife. You are to love her so much that you would do anything for her, that God would allow. Finances are a struggle? Who gets the second job? Wife has a baby who comes home to aid her? Who was the head of the apostles? Christ. Who was the most humble among them, loved them most, served them most? Christ. So, whether physically or spiritually, the man is the one who will die for the sake of the wife, so that she might be protected in every way possible.

Second. Who is responsible for the wife’s faith? The husband. Eph 5:26,27. The focus on this part of Ephesians 5, is on Christ and what He did for the church. But we are to emulate this as husbands. We are in charge of the spiritual well being for the house and for our wives. We are not only the physical head of the marriage and house, but also the spiritual. We are to lead our wives in Bible study, we are to lead our wife in prayer, we are to lead our wife in actions and words with care and love for her love of Christ.

Third. The husband is to live out the second greatest commandment with his wife. He is to love her as himself. It isn't hard for a man to love himself. Man is condemned many times with pride, which is love of self. So, when we are told that we are to love our wife as ourselves this isn't hard to understand, it is just hard to work this out practically. Men really love themselves a lot, and we think very highly of ourselves. God states, that as we see ourselves, and love ourselves, we are to actually be humble and exchange that love for self, for the love of the wife, for the glory of God.

These are all amazing callings for the man, being that in Greek culture the women were not seen as anything important and could be used by the man in any way he pleased. Yet, God says, “Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” in Eph 5:21. So, Paul is not some male chauvenist, he just the opposite. He calls for sacrificial love for someone who was looked at as property in his time. He said, she isn't property, she is your own flesh, now love and care for her as such.

Lastly, The Man is to be the breadwinner. This comes straight from the creation of Adam and then we find it again in the curse. The role wasn’t created in the curse, but we find that part of man’s curse was found in working in toil for the food for the house.

Look to Genesis 2:15; 3:17-19

You will notice that in Genesis that the man is to be the one cultivating the ground, he is the keeper of the garden. When the curse happens then you see that the man is now going to find his work very difficult. This doesn't mean that men will now all have to be farmers, but the fact is that his work of trade will be very difficult. This is what is meant when God states, "Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you" and " By the sweat of your face you will eat bread." The point is that the work of the man will be very difficult and not easy. The underlining understanding is that the man's curse was that his work would be very difficult. When we go through the woman's curse, you will notice it isn't the work of her hands that is difficult, but now it is the work of the home that becomes difficult in child bearing and trying to usurp the husband's authority.

The man is to be at work, he is to be working for the sake of his household. Paul tells Timothy:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever
1 Timothy 5:8

Also, you will notice that in Proverbs 31 where we find the most excellent wife, that she does do some work outside of the home, but notice that the husband is not at home with the kids, but he is where he should be, at work, and known at the city gate (Proverbs 31:23). The city gate was the place of decision making and rulership of the cities and this is where we find the man. His wife, allows him to hold a prominant role in the business market because his home is ran well by his perfect help mate.

Next post we will continue to see the man in the role at the church and then we will see our perfect example in Christ. After that we will look at the role of the woman in marriage and the role of the woman in the church. Please ask any questions that you might have.

Also, know that I love my wife more than anything, sometimes dangerously close to my love for Christ, and I would never degrade her or hold my position of authority to degrade her. We make decisions together, we pray together and we love Christ together. Sometimes when we go through these kinds of discussions, people for some reason take this as chauvanistic, but if you saw our marriage, you would see a deep love and respect and protection for my beautiful wife that is only found under the authority of my great God.

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