Is Drinking Alcohol a Sin?

I have been having a little discussion with James in my post on the 10 Steps to Become a Legalist. He is doing well with the 10th point of becoming a legalist. He is following it well and even trying to state his case on why he is allowed to be a legalist in this area. Instead of answering his questions in the combox, I decided to make a post answering his last questions. You can check that post to see our discussion, but I wanted to get these answers to these common objections to drinking alcohol in post form. Again, I want to stress that if you have a conviction to not drink yourself, more power to you, I respect your decision. My problem comes when someone calls it sin or then tries to put that yoke on others. Below is the Q and A that we have been discussing. Sounds like a lot of my readers will be reading it while drinking and smoking a good cigar. Hope they both go down well.

James: Ok, here we go Seth:

I start with this verse.
Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: Whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise
Proverbs 20:1

Seth: This verse is one that is not that difficult when you look at its intent. The reason is that the first part of the verse gives the conclusion to what happens in the first part. Wine can become a mocker and strong drink is raging if someone is "deceived" or better put in what the original Hebrew is getting across, the NASB states that these things happen, when you are "intoxicated" by it. Here is how the NASB reads: Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, And whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise. Which I agree with, don't get drunk with wine or strong drink because then you become mocked and beyond angry.

James: There was a day & time when it was commonplace for Christians of all denominations to abide by the Biblical conviction that no person should drink alcohol. In recent years, the radical grace movement, with it's extreme teachings concerning Christian liberty, has spread across America. With this self-centered view of Christianity many Christians have left behind their convictions concerning intoxicating drinks. The sale of Alcoholic beverages has risen by 40 percent, in the last 25 years, which is an epidemic problem that has made it's way into our churches.

Seth: This is almost a completely made up statement. History tells us that most Christians, for 2000 years, have always drank wine, beer, etc. It is only since the prohibition where people started to go against it, which they should have not taken drinks when it was illegal.

James: Leaders should avoid alcohol.
Proverbs 23:31 says,Look thou not upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth it's color in the cup, When it moveth itself aright. (fermenting) It says NOT to.

Seth: I wonder if you read context. The reason that it says to stay away from it, is because of the previous verses of those who misuse alcohol. Who get drunk with it. He just got done talking about those who "linger" over it. And then afterwards talks about wine making people see strange things, uttering perverse things, etc. Meaning that the person is drunk, not merely drinking some wine. The term "do not look at it when it is red" is speaking of it being inticing to a drunk that can't wait to get his hands on the drink. This comes from the most respected Hebrew scholars in Keil and Delitzsch. It could be this or just the use of hyperbole, because the context is clearly speaking of a drunk. Think of when Paul says in 1 Corinthians 8:13 that he would never eat meat again if it were to make his brother stumble.

James: There are many spiritual leaders who abstained from drink.
1. Nazarines (Nazarite vow) Numbers 6:1-4
2. John The Baptist (He followed the Nazarite vowel.) Luke 1:15

Seth: Are you going to also never cut your hair, pledge not to touch a dead animal or eat locusts and wear camel hair? Or can we be more knowledgeable and try and understand that the Nazarite vow is no longer a vow to be followed and John the Baptist was a special prophet among God's people? If not, can I be the first to buy a ticket to your circus in the desert while you wear camel hair, eat bugs and drink grape juice?

James: 3. Deacons/I Timothy 3:8

Seth: This verse says that deacons shouldn't be addicted to wine. What is your point? You can drink wine without being addicted.

James: Leaders should not encourage others to drink. (Habakkuk 2:15-16)

Seth: Did you read this verse? It is speaking of drunkenness. I don't remember the last time I saw someone sip on some wine at dinner and then get naked. Maybe our experiences have been different.

James also lists off Isaiah 5:11 & Proverbs 31:4,5

Seth:

1. Isaiah 5:11
Again, this is speaking of pursuing strong drink and being inflamed with wine, both showing an uncontrollable urge with drinking instead of fearing the Lord. Again, context. Look at verse 12...these people cared more about getting drunk than keeping the deeds of the Lord.

2. Proverbs 31:4-5

Again, keep reading. I never have known people to forget what they have said, when drinking in moderation. This again, is speaking of the dangers of getting drunk. Verse 5 speaks of someone forgetting what is decreed and perverting the rights of the afflicted. Again, drunk, not simply drinking.

James: * in ancient times, wine (as we would call it) was mixed with water in an eight-to-one mixture for purification purposes. The Bibles word wine does not have the same connotation as alcoholic beverages. When water purification was a problem, people would add crushed composites of a grape-type syrup called wine for the purpose of purifying water from parasites. When the Bible talks about wine it is not talking about intoxicating substance at all; it is speaking of treated water in some instances.

Seth: Where did you find this material? I have heard this to try and be explained, but just read the Bible to find it to be false. Because I find it interesting that you keep saying that the wine was not intoxicating, yet you just listed off many verses that speak of wine being intoxicating, making one forget, perverting justice, being a mockery, etc. So, which is it? Intoxicating or not?

James: In reference to spiritual leaders read I Timothy 3:3- Not given to wine...

Seth: Do you know what "given" means? It is the Greek word "paroinos" which means addicted or drunk. So, this isn't speaking of abstinence either.

James: More of what scripture says:
1. Condemns drunkenness/Eph. 5:18

Seth: We are speaking of drinking alcohol at all, not getting drunk. I agree that to get drunk is wrong.

James: 2. Warning/Pro. 23:19-21

Seth: Be consistant. It also speaks of gluttons here. So, are you going to abstain from food too? Just because some abuse it doesn't mean that you MUST abstain. Your logic is very flawed at this point.

James: 3. Recommended to go ahead and drink wine. Don't think this is a loop-hole. I Timothy 5:23- In this verse where wine is mentioned it is commended for medicinal use. Because of the condition of the water in that day, it is believed that Timothy suffered from infirmities relating to his stomach and intestines. so Paul told Timothy to use a little wine for his stomachs sake. Again, this instruction was related to the syrupy grape juice mixed in with water for purification and medicinal purposes.

Seth: This does nothing for your point. This same term of "oinos" which is the same term that people could get drunk on in Ephesians 5:18. Again, I will trust the original Greek instead of your thoughts on the matter.

James: Scripture warns of Alcohols dangers.
1. It hastens ruin/Pro. 23:31-32
2. It enflames lust/Pro. 23:33
3. Destroys families/Genesis 9:20-25

Seth: Correction. This isn't the dangers of alcohol, this is the dangers of the abuse of alcohol. There are also dangers of eating too much and overindulging in money as well (greed) are we supposed to abstain from these as well? How do you get around this?

James: Is today's wine the same as Bible times?
1. No it is not. The majority of the O.T. usages of the word wine comes from a Hebrew word that means "boiling up". Does that sound like intoxicating beverages, yes it does. But that is not what it means. "Boiling up" comes from the idea of boiling grape juice into heavy syrup to use as a mixture in water.

Seth: According to actual scholars in this area, which I quoted to you before, you are not correct here. The Hebrew word that is used speaks of being drunk with wine...again, how do you get drunk from grape juice? I mean, you just quoted a lot of OT verses where people get drunk, is this supposed to be people overindulging in grape juice? Just wondering. Also, for your information, the noun used in the Septuigant for the Hebrew word for "wine" was translated into the Greek as...yep...oinos. The same that is used throughout the NT.

James: Proverbs 23:30- They that tarry long at the wine; they go to seek mixed wine.

According to this verse, some people would drink to much of this mixture deliberately seeking to become intoxicated; but the original intent was for water purification. The second Greek word used for wine simply means "nonintoxicating syrup". We often read about wine in the Bible. When Jesus turned the water into wine, I do not believe that he turned the water into rotten grape juice(fermented wine)that would intoxicate any who drank it. He turned the water into a safe, purified, and refreshing beverage that was non alcoholic. I believe in John 2 when the scripture speaks of Jesus' good wine, it speaks of the drinks mildness as a water like substance. In ancient times the process of fermentation may have begun because of lack of refrigeration. Today's wines, beers, and mixed drinks are highly intoxicating and very dangerous for families, and they are processed to be such. This is definitely different from what the Bible refers to when it teaches about wine.

I hope this enough scripture and evidence for you Seth.
James

Seth: This is completely unfounded with what we find in the Scriptures. The original Greek could not be more clear in this area. Context and the many usages of wine speak of us enjoying wine in heaven (Isaiah 25:6-9; Jeremiah 31:12-14), that wine was given to us for our joy (Judges 9:13; Zechariah 10:7; Ecc 10:19) and that Christ drank this wine at the Last Supper and turned the water into wine at Cana. The warning is that this same wine, this same "oinos", if overindulged is a sin and is very dangerous. We see this in many other ways in the Bible with food, sex, money, anger and the tongue. But we are not told to abstain from eating, sex, making money, righteous anger or talking. Why do you think it is okay to present a double standard where your logic is completely fallacious? If you think it is wrong to drink because it leads to drunkenness, which is exactly what all of the verses you listed are saying, you then better live consistantly and stop having sex with your wife, stop eating, making money or talking.

At least be consistant.

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 10

Well this is the last of the steps. I am sure there are many more steps one could take, but these are the ones that I could think of as I have lived my life and watched others live theirs with angry scowls at me as I don't live the way they want me to. This post is one that is going to require you to have a sense of humor, especially if you abstain from alcohol. I will say that the people that I am writing about today are not those who abstain because of their own conviction, but those who not only abstain, but try and convert others to become hall of famers with Welch's Grape Juice alongside them. I will be following this post up with a conclusion, but this will be the last of the steps.

This last step is "People need to abstain from everything...well except food and money"

To be a good legalist, you really have to major on the minors and minor on the majors. If you are scratching your head in confusion because you don't understand the last phrase, your tie is on too tight and you need to put down your King James Bible. Maybe if I said, "If thou desireth to becometh a good legalist, make sureth you overemphasizeth the smalleth things and underemphasizeth the largest of things." Got it? Alright good. For sure this is what will take place as look to how to become a legalist in our last step.

To be a good legalist, find something to abstain from. Whether it be alcohol, smoking or for most of you, sinners. Find something to abstain from, and don't just abstain from them but be a good legalist and find converts for the cause of yourself. You could be the yoke around their neck...errrr...I mean banner of love over them that brings them from sinner to saint. To do this you will have to take verses that speak to certain points and overemphasize them to show that you are right and everyone else is wrong. You will have to take verses and outlaw every use of things to make them sin by just participating instead of what the verse is meant, which is to be careful of over consumption or overuse.

One of the most popular things to abstain from is alcohol. Now, those people that merely abstain for personal conviction are not true legalists, and the reason that you are reading this is not to become a person of conviction, but a person with yokes to hand out. So, take the verses that speak of drunkenness and make it so that it speaks of consumption in any way. Come up with theories that speak of the wine in the biblical times of being watered down and more like grape juice than today's wine. Find these things and harp on them. Make them the center of your ministry and make sure that those who go to taverns, bars or those type of dirty sinful establishments understand that they are going to the den of thieves and robbers. These places are merely the gates to hell. It is your duty to stand on your stool outside, yelling through your bull horn while handing out tracts with the flames of hell on them.

Remember, because the Bible only speaks of drunkenness being wrong, you must take those verses and make them sound like drinking of any kind is sin. Not only do you have to do this but you must make up some very good stories of why we will be drinking wine in heaven, why it was made for our joy, why Jesus drank wine and why he made water into wine as his first miracle. This can get tedious, but if you're desire is to be a good legalist and you have followed the first 9 steps, you should be well on your way of speaking out of both sides of your mouth while proof texting your 1611 King James Bible.

If this isn't going to be your soap box there are many more things that you can abstain from. Smoking is a good one as well. Although smoking is never mentioned in the Bible, don't people know that their bodies are the temple of God? Never mind the passage is dealing with prostitution, remember ignore that and focus on the "temple of God" part. If you quote it enough with a scowl and a finger pointed at people, anything can sound right. Especially if you throw in a "don't be like the world" at people. Just be careful because they might point a certain finger right back at you.

Speaking of "don't be like the world" this comes to the next thing that you can really set your life apart with. Abstain from sinners. Now, you can preach at them, and casually talk to them at the bus stop, but don't let them be your friends. Because if you are friends with them, people might think you are just like them. I mean, what would Pharisees, oops, I mean your congregation, think if they saw you with sinners. Abstain from the sinner, don't let them corrupt you and your family. You are to be holy, not like them or with them. To do this you will have to ignore that most of the apostles were gross sinners and most of those that Christ hung out with and befriended were the worst of sinners. But hey, you have become just like Thomas Jefferson at this point, just cut out those parts of the Bible that do not fit within your new found Christianity. You might have miracles and Jesus in your Bible, but you will have to cut out all the people that were affected by the miracles. No big deal though, God doesn't do miracles anymore anyways, he has you, why would he need miracles?

So, find something to abstain from. Whether it be alcohol, smoking or sinners, find something. Preach on it like Benny Hinn does on money. He might not be in a dark suit, but he could really teach all us legalist how to focus on one thing and make it our ministry.

Alright, enough of the actual post and a little more thoughts on the issue as a whole. I find it interesting that people abstain from alcohol and smoking (I have some close friends abstain, but they aren't legalist in their convictions) don't use the same logic with other things that are spoken of in the Bible. If we are to abstain from alcohol because someone might stumble if they see us drinking, why don't we stop eating around fat people? Why don't we stop spending money in front of people that struggle with greed? You see gluttony and greed are actually named as sin in the Bible where merely drinking and smoking are not. But, what I find is more people have conviction over alcohol and smoking than they do with those things that are mentioned far more often and actually named as sinful. This is a huge deal that is overlooked. What is usually pretty funny is that it is fat preachers, in pin stripe suits, with big houses that tell you that you shouldn't drink or smoke.

Not only are most legalist saying that you must not drink or smoke in front of those who struggle with it, but you must abstain completely even when you are not with those who struggle. So you are to never smoke or drink. Again, take this same logic with those that struggle in other ways. Am I to never eat, because my brother that struggles with gluttony? Am I to never make money or spend it because my brother struggles with greed? Am I never to have sex with my wife because my brother struggles with lust and sex? People need to use some logic here. What about this. I have a neighbor who is a vegetarian. He is not saved, but when they come over, we always eat vegetarian with them. They have told us it is no big deal, but we want to make sure that we are being a good witness of brotherly love. Does this mean though, that I never eat meat? No, but I do it as a witness to them when they come over.

In the end, what seems to happen is that the overuse of anything becomes sin. For whatever reason people have chosen to really harp on smoking and alcohol. Some say it is because they have had some personal experience in dealing with its affects. I have to ask again, "do we do things and put yokes on others because of experience or the Scriptures?" We have to remember that some people have had their lives ruined with money and parents dying because of overeating and heart attacks. Does this mean we have a campaign against eating and money? This would never happen. Historically, drinking alcohol has been a part of life for everyone, but since the prohibition, it seems as though this "sin" has been elevated to an extreme part in people's ministry as they forget the other parts of the Bible.

I have no problem if someone has a personal conviction to abstain from anything. I just beg the question, "Why do you have to put that on others?" Use your own logic with other things and you will find that your personal conviction is just that...personal.

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 9

Step 9 is here, which means that we are almost done making you all good legalists that are ready to carry the flag of “you” and burn the flag of “them.” Burn baby burn.

Step 9 is almost a continuation of step 8. This step is going to make sure that, as the other steps, you take one of the two extremes and condemn the other side to make sure that they understand your maturity and their infancy in Christ. The two that are put forth are either some sort of abstention and while the other is completely open to almost all forms of movies (besides pornographic ones).

The first way to become a legalist in this area is to simply condemn all things Hollywood. It is the den of Satan and is used to just build up wealth so that the liberal can add more money in their pockets to denounce the Christian. Talk about the research that is done to show that the movie industry is the reason for all violence and sex. That the reason your child doesn’t listen to you and runs around the house like a squirrel on an energy drink is because of the movies that he has accidentally seen at a friends house where the parents don’t love their kids.

It is because of this that you should never watch any movie ever. Well unless Kirk Cameron is in it, then it is okay. Or wait, unless it is about Jesus being crucified, then it is okay. Or wait, if it is put out by a church then it is okay. But all other movies are because Satan hasn’t been bound and is found to be actually the “Director and Screen Writer” of Hollywood.


Some others in this arena, instead of almost complete abstention, will just come out and say, “you shouldn’t watch anything R rated.” This is a great thing. It is easy. It is straight forward. This is easy to become a legalist in this form. You could make a t-shirt that instead of the R standing for Restricted, it could say “Resurrected” or something like that. What this does is find another way to cheapen Jesus, way to go. But, hey, you could probably make some money this way, so who cares, right? Instead of watching R rated movies you will need to find other forms of movies that you deem as good ones. Again, Kirk Cameron is good person to start with. And keep the R rated restriction unless it is about the bloody death of Jesus. So, there will have to be some exceptions to the rule. But hey, what is a good legalist without their own exceptions?

The main thing in this form of legalism is to make sure that others know that your view is right. This is key to being a good legalist. Don’t keep it to yourself. Make sure you say things like, “I can’t believe you can watch that!” or “We had to walk out of that movie.” Or “that movie was obviously not God honoring.” Whatever you do just make sure you use condescending speech to make the person you are talking to realize that you are the standard and they are the "Christian" who needs some more maturity in their life.

On the other hand, instead of abstention, you could be a legalist by not abstaining from any movie. They are all okay. Call the other people who have decided to abstain within their own families legalists and prudes. Who cares what you watch, you can separate what you watch and then what you do in your life, right? It is just a movie. Most movies are just portraying real life, so what is the big deal? I can control what I think about and how I see the world, the movies don’t have any affect on me. Make sure this is your outlook on movies and really laugh at those who only watch Disney or has the term “High School” and “Musical” in their titles. Laugh at the Christian movie industry and talk down to those people who like them like an atheist being evangelized by a teen ager.

Whatever you do, don’t put restrictions on your movie watching because how will you be able to talk to people about Jesus unless you know why “There Will Be Blood”? How can you be hip and talk to those outside the faith unless they see you enjoy watching the latest from M. Night? Won’t they just think you make charts of the tribulation while memorizing all the verses on hell? You don’t want to be “that guy” do you? So, the only way to make sure that your house doesn’t look like a museum of Christian artifacts of Christian culture gone bad, you must make sure you watch any and all movies with liberality. Besides, do I really have to put in my favorite movies on Facebook, “The Passion” “Facing the Giants” “Left Behind” and “Fireproof”?

Alright, alright, before we have a riot on our hands, let me try and weigh through these issues here.

I think there has to be a good middle ground here with these two types that I run into a lot. First, remember, that if you choose to only allow certain movies in your household, that is fine, your house, not mine. I am talking about those who try and make the rest of us sound like we are Rosemary’s Baby if we decide that watching movies that don’t star Kirk Cameron. I honestly think that most of the arguments on this side are a little shallow in their thinking overall.

If we decide to abstain from Hollywood because of where the money goes, then don’t we have to start doing the same thing with everything we decide to consume? Don’t we need to know where the owners of Costco, Target, McDonald’s, etc. spend their money as well? I think by boycotting Hollywood we actually show our hate for the world and not the love of them. This doesn’t mean that we watch everything that they produce, or we become their advocates, but to boycott or get overly aggressive in our behavior sounds a bit ridiculous.

My other issues with people who try and get others to not watch R rated movies is the Bible itself. If we try and abstain from all sorts of violence and sexual tensions then what will happen when we come to books like Song of Solomon, Ezekiel, Judges, Jeremiah, etc.? Again, if you and your family decide against R rated movies, go for it, just don't try and convince me biblically how this is right and why I am a devil lover.

The other side of the coin are those who have no filter for the movies that they watch. We have to be careful that we don’t completely let our guards down to watch filth that can cause us to sin. For guys, this is lust of the eyes with the sex that is so apparent in the movies. For women it could be the underlining feminist themes that run through many movies showing men to be weak and downright evil. We have to be careful to not just watch anything for the sake of entertainment.

I would say that God did create the movie industry, like he did all the arts, to display his glory. Like paintings, books, sculptures, etc. the movie industry shows off the glory of our God. Most movies don’t even realize that they are depicting many themes found in the Bible. That by displaying creation with music played behind it they are showing off our great God and the wonderful work that he allows us as humans to produce.

May we find a good medium in film and enjoy the art that is God honoring and pray a prayer of thankfulness for all the talent that is displayed every weekend for a mere price of your first born to enter the theater.

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 8

This and the next step is one of my favorites to talk about with other people. I am a pretty big legalist in this area, so I need this for myself. This step is going to show you how to be a legalist in the area of music. There are usually two major groups here, those who only listen to "Christian" music or those who only listen to secular music, with little wiggle room. But, again, to be a good legalist you need to get a verse, take it out of context, and make sure you make it orthodox doctrine. So, this one will be used for both this post and probably the next. It is found in Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

The first way you can become a legalist in this area is to quickly turn the dial on your radio to 777 FM where the Holy Ghost is present in every song. This station will probably tell you that it is safe for the whole family, and that the songs are uplifting showing you how to love God. I mean if they say this, they must be right since whatever you hear in advertising is correct. I mean they can't say it unless it is true, right?

After you find 777 FM it seems like the uniform quickly follows with the Jesus fish on your bumper, "My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter" bumper sticker quickly applied to car, and then the fake perma grin is applied to the face. I am not sure where this store is that hands all these things out, but it has to exist because of all the proof that I have seen. I would just like to visit it and act like I am robbing the place for fun, not sure why, but it would just be funny.

Once you find the dial, and once you get your accessories, you now need to be a preacher for your new found religion of Christian music. Make sure you use Phil 4:8 for reference and ask people how they could ever listen to other music that doesn't speak about God and love and flowers and unicorns and rainbows. Why wouldn't you want to listen to the music that Jesus listens to? I mean your bracelet does beg the question, "What Would Jesus Do?"

You have to make sure that other people see the dangers of secular music, why it is harmful to our communities, why people want to murder their children and eat their pets because of it. If people only knew how dangerous a back beat is they would truly convert to your religion of people speaking softly and grinning like a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet.

The other guys in this arena are actually pretty awesome. They believe not in the radio version of Christianity, nor do they believe in the secular. They believe that music is only to be listened to if piano and organ are played alongside it and the song was written in the 1600's and use works like "bulwark" and put "eth" at the end of every word so that iteth looketh liketh thiseth. Their motto ends up being: if it is not old it is not good.

This is a pretty sweet team to play on as you really get to rail against everyone. The people who listen to contemporary Christian music are just immature in their faith and those who listen to secular music probably aren't saved. Poor souls. I will tell you that this team's uniforms look more like an undertaker, so you will have to find a good dark suit and instead of a perma grin, make your face look like you just smelled something foul and you are well on your way to being a great legalist in this area. My favorite part of this group is that you will have to start saying stuff like, "How can rap music ever glorify God?" or "How can metal music ever glorify God?" It is so dark and wrong. I mean, those people spike their hair and look like they crawled out of a horror flick.

The final group are those who laugh at both of the groups mentioned so far. I probably am more in this group than others. You have to be pretty condescending to be in this group and understand that real music doesn't happen in the Christian scene, only secular. Praise songs are cool for church, but they won't find their way onto my 120 gig iPod that is already full...man I have a lot of cool songs on my iPod. You will always make fun of the Dove Awards and will never understand how people can listen to the crap they listen to. You will also use the same verse as the first group of Phil 4:8 and ask, "How can you listen to music that has such bad theology? How is that pure? How is that right?" You will have to assume that all Christian music has bad lyrics and terrible musicality. All who listen are just ignorant in their haze of rainbows and lolly pops.

You will want to make sure the others understand that at least the secular music doesn't teach bad theology about Jesus, who cares if it teaches moralism and paganism, it isn't defaming God...wait...that doesn't make sense, but hold the line here, you have to make your point. You have to become so against Contemporary Christian music so that all of it is bad and all of it spreads dangerous messages that aren't godly. You will have to make these hyperboles to be a good legalist in this area. You should probably quote Bono sometimes to make your point, because he is so intelligent and he helps the poor, so he has to be right. Wait, who is Ghandi? Whatever...just move on.

So, here is the issue when dealing with music. Be discerning. Be careful what you listen to. Both secular and "Christian" music can be damaging to the soul. I personally do not like most of what CCM has to offer. Most of what I have heard is just plain terrible. This does not mean that all of it is bad. Same thing goes with secular music. Most of my iPod is filled with secular stuff, but some of it I have to delete because it is just wrong and profane in areas I will not give in to or let my mind listen to. I don't mind people who like metal Christian music or any type of music, as long as it is not profaning God. That is my main point. Don't stereotype any music as being "good" or "bad" but look to what the message is and see if it defames God. Music is just like other things in this world. I mean what if we did the same thing with food. What if we said, "since this came from a Christian supermarket it is good and right, but the other stuff is bad." This just doesn't make sense. What if the food is better at the other supermarket? We could do this with almost anything. To keep yourself from being a legalist, listen to why people listen to what they listen to. Ask them why? Listen to what they listen to, listen to its message. I am not saying you have to like it, but be open to it. Because guess what, there is no Psalms 151 that states, "listen to this or go to hell." No. The Psalms close with Psalm 150 with a myriad of ways to praise God through song, and you will notice that it isn't about the means but in the substance. The gong or cymbal is not godly or ungodly, but the person who is being praised through it: Our Triune God. And notice that Psalm 150 ends with, "Let everything (yeah...everything) that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord."

May we look to music as a way that God shows his glory and may we praise him through it, even if it isn't found on 777 FM or played by the old lady on the organ.

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 7

Well the series is finally back. After a stint of going crazy on everything from skimboarding to God's Greatest Secret, we come back to the fun of making fun of everyone. What I like about these posts is that they make fun of everyone, I am an equal opportunity blogger. I especially like making fun of the stupid things that I have thought or done in the past, and this one definitely didn't escape my narrowminded PK background.

Step 7 is, People Need To Do Church Like I Do Church. This one takes it from the personal level of being a legalist and letting it spread to your whole congregation. Ahhhh, nothing like making everyone else as miserable as you are.

To make yourself a legalist in this manner, the first thing that you must do is make sure that you believe that there is a certain time and date for meeting at church.

If you are emergent, then it could be any day at any time, since the bars are open 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Lucky you. If you are the emergent type, make sure that you scoff at anyone who would try and keep the tradition of meeting on Sunday mornings, that is just stupid, who cares when Jesus rose again from the dead...hey wait...maybe we could put that in the list of questions, like the virgin birth and homosexuality. But, whatever you do, don't give in to the man...he will make you meet on Sunday mornings at 11am, and that just sucks.

For the other side of the equation, which is my case, would be those who believe that Jesus only shows up between the times of 11am to 12pm on a Sunday morning. This is the decreed time for Jesus to show up. Plus, how could he make the services on the West Coast if those on the East Coast have their church anytime they want? There's a schedule to keep here.

So, make up your mind, either meet in a bar or a park or while hiking with the grizzlies, that I hope eat you, or be one of those that believe that Christ has a schedule to keep. But, pick one, and rant and rave as much as you can on why it is the only way, and the only time, to worship God in the gathering of his people.

Speaking of gathering, step 2 is this: make sure that people know that they must hold the same schedule that you do for the service. This includes some of the stuff we have talked about before. Make sure that you are clear on what kind of music will be played, or not played, at your worship service. Make it clear why hymns are the only way, or why Psalms is the clear choice (even though you won't ever mention the name of Jesus in any of your Psalm hymns...oops), or why rock music that would rival Bono is the best way to reach the masses, errr, I mean worship God. Be clear that your way is the perfect way and that no other is okay. If you are exclusive Psalmody you have to make sure that you have an 80 year old AARP member who has purple hair and still has the same sheets she had on her bed from the turn of the century. If you don't have one of these in your church you can forget your piano or pipe organ. Even though I love these old ladies, it is always funny to see them always playing the organ. Probably because they are the only ones who know how to play it as it was invented at the same time that they were born while the dinosaurs roamed the earth.

If you are not cool with only singing Psalms, make sure that you make fun of those who do and bring in any music that sounds cool. Who cares if you sing the same line 24 times, as long as you get some good close ups of your worship leader closing his eyes and raising his hands on the big screen, you are good

So, whether you are kicking it with Mildred or hanging out with the hippie turned song leader, make it known that it is what God hears and all the others are just banging gongs and clanging cymbals.

Now that you got the day of the week, or lack thereof, and rock songs, I mean worship songs, picked out, it is time to look at how you are going to run the rest of the service.

Every pastor knows that his sermon has to be 45 minutes or longer or they are just lazy. How can you exposit that one verse in less than 45 minutes? That is like asking Moses to part the Red Sea again. I have to be able to tell the congregation how to parse the Greek verb, how it was used during the different centuries in Christendom and then, if everyone hasn't left, I have to then say something about Jesus. So, anyone who thinks they can preach in less than 45 minutes probably went to public school on the slow bus with a helmut on.

On the other side. If you are a preacher that has sermons as long as a fortune cookie's fortune, you want to make sure that the people that come to your service are comfortable and don't get too bored. Everyone who goes to your church have places to go and people to see, they don't have time for these long messages, especially since the worship pastor just got done singing a chorus for 25 minutes. Those preachers that preach for an hour just want to show off their knowledge, but you are lead by the Spirit and you have cool clothes.

Okay, a little more serious now. We need to cool it a little with our thoughts on the actual church service. I will say that preaching needs to be the center because in the early church and how the elders are set up, preaching and teaching were, and are, always center. So, your preaching time should always coincide with the length of your Sunday service, whatever that may be. With the worship music, I personally like a mix of hymns and praise songs and Psalms. I know that some have very hard core thinking on this and that is cool for their congregation, but they need to slow down with evangelizing more on what music they play instead of the Gospel of Christ.

What I believe that is important with the Lord's Day is that God (which includes Jesus for all you exclusive Psalmody guys) is glorified through the worship of song and the word. How you do this is your church's biz, not mine. Some people herald how a proper worship service should take place, which isn't given in the Bible, more than they care of reaching the lost with the glorious gospel. That is a problem.

Be careful in being a legalist in this area as it does divide people pretty easily and I see people leaving the church more on music or how loud the drums are than I do doctrine. For all you Reformed Baptists or IFB guys, a drum is a percussion instrument that you bang with wooden sticks that help the melody, or something like that...here is a link to a picture. And yes, if you let drums in your church that is exactly what the drummer will look like. Also here is a better description from wikipedia.

:)

So, as we look at how we do church, we need to simply ask, "How can I exemplify the theme of the Bible as we meet together as God's people?" "How can we most edify those that come for the glory of the Trinity and not the glory of man?"

How long should the service be? How long should the preaching be? How many songs should you sing? Which songs should you sing? Which order should this all happen? These are questions that are going to be answered by your male elders, but the real question is how do all these show off our God more and more and us less and less.

For He must increase and I must decrease
John 3:30

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 6

When you pray, how do you pray? Is it long? short? in the morning? in the evening? sitting up? laying down? standing up? To be a good legalist, it isn't about what is correct, but what you deem as correct. Sometimes even if you sound more like a Muslim than a Christian. There are at least two things you need to take a stand on when you look at prayer: When and How.

1. When

When do you pray? In the morning, evening or afternoon? All three? You can really be a good legalist if you do all three, because if someone misses one of these times, you can show them how much closer you are to God and how far they are. Like most things when being a legalist, you really need to find some verses that will make you sound correct to the average Joe, so when he comes to you, you can really make him look stupid. Because that really is the goal of any good legalist, to show how holy you are, and how stupid or immature everyone else is. With legalists and prayer it usually comes in two ways, "I pray three times a day and they are times I have set aside" and the other is, "I don't need to set any time aside, but I pray all day to God." Most will pick one of these and run with it. So do you, if you want to become a forerunner for the contemporary legalist.

If you are a "three times a dayer" then a great verse to pick out is Daniel 6:10

Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and giving thanks before his God, as he had been doing previously.
Daniel 6:10

Clearly Daniel is Jesus incarnate making a command here to pray three times per day. Nevermind the fact that if you followed other ways of Daniel you would also not be homeschooled but schooled by the local government, as a command. Making all homeschoolers crazy and in sin. But, again, as a legalist, just ignore the first part of Daniel's life and really focus on the prayer part. It's just easier that way, plus, those immature Christian's that don't pray three times a day probably don't even know where the book of Daniel is located and just think he is some dude that fell in lion's cage and didn't get eaten because he was in the ark and was swallowed by a whale. Morons.

On the other side. If you are one to think that you should just pray as you feel led, then you should really just ignore Daniel and say that he was a crazy Old Testament guy and they had to do that because they didn't have the Holy Spirit. Nevermind this never works anywhere else in our lives consistantly...I mean, who is ever "felt led" to pay their bills? Or felt led to send out those corny Christmas cards with your kids and dog in matching sweaters? Oh wait...I just offended most of you...sorry...still funny, especially when the dog is front and center and your children are fighting to get in the picture.

To work out this thought process it would be good to use the following Scripture:

Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Psalm 32:6a

Skip the fact that this is Old Testament too and your argument for Daniel has weakened. Use this verse to really show that you should just pray when you feel like it. God is always listening. So, pray to him in your car, on a walk, at work, or on the toilet, who cares where or when, just pray when you want, but to schedule a time is too "formal".

2. How

How do you pray? Do you pray really long prayers that sound like King James himself is speaking? or Do you pray really short prayers that sound more like prayers from
a hippie talking to a tie dyed salesman? Whichever one you are stick to it and then really poke fun of the others.

If you are the former, then this might flow from step 3 of our study on how to become a legalist. For some reason, most KJO folks, love to speak in that same way and their prayers are longer than a Billy Graham alter call. So go all the way. Use terms like "thee" and "thou" and put the letters "eth" on the end of everyeth wordeth. So, when you pray, no one can understand you, so how could they ever rebuke you? Plus God only hears those who babble for hours and use all these Old English terms. Sucks to be a non-English speaking "Christian". Remember, the longer the prayer, the more you love Jesus.

If you are into the short, lax prayers of the seeker movement, go for it. People have short attention spans so shorten up these prayers not only in public, but in your life as well. Plus, it will go really well with your "One Minute Bible." You can pray and read your Bible all during your bathroom break during commercials of Desperate Housewives, what a deal. Make sure that you laugh at all those who have long prayers, who use words you don't understand like "sin", "repentance" and "atonement"...who needs those words anyway?

Okay...enough with all this nonsense. Here is where I stand with prayer. We are told many things in the Bible about prayer. My belief on prayer is that we must take things from what we see in the Bible as a whole and apply them in our lives. I think we should definitely have set aside times to pray to make sure "we get it done." Sounds terrible to say (getting it done), but to be disciplined in prayer is a good thing. But, it isn't the only thing either. I always like to take a look to see what Jesus did. What a concept. We find Jesus doing both long prayers and short prayers. Taking specific times to pray and then also just lifting up his eyes at times and praying.

The Lord's Prayer is about a ten second prayer. The high priestly prayer was longer as was Christ's prayer in Garden (at least long enough to make people sleep...reminds me of my grandpa). The point is pray until you don't. Don't just repeat stuff to sound more holy and don't do a short prayer to appease those around you. Be mindful, but know that you are talking to God. We find that Jesus would "often slip away to pray" and that Jesus would also go off in the morning to a secluded place and pray. It seemed as though Christ had some appointed times of prayer but that he also would just start praying. His greatest, and if you were there you probably would have been caught off guard, was his high priestly prayer. It just says that they were talking and then all of the sudden Jesus, "lifted up his eyes to heaven." Jesus did this in the middle of a conversation. Now, this is Jesus so it was cool, but can you imagine doing this at a dinner party? You are talking about football with someone and all the sudden they break out in prayer? The point is that Christ not only appointed times of prayer, but prayed when he felt like praying as well.

So, for us to learn from this, I would say to have a time to pray and also pray throughout the day to the Lord. Pray long or short, I don't care, but pray as God leads you and pray like you would if you were talking to someone you knew instead of talking like some theologian from the 1600's. But, as you pray also know that you are praying to your Creator and so don't just be flippant, but reverant.

May God be praised and may we pray when we don't want to and when we desire to, this is the idea behind the great verse of Paul:

Pray without ceasing
1 Thess 5:17

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 5

To be a true legalist, you have to get a little bit silly on some stuff, and this is one of them. You need to know that the way, the time and the when you study your Bible is exactly how all should do so. Anyone that doesn't study just like you do, is just not as mature as you and you need to bring them up to speed.

How do you study the Bible? Do you just simply read a chapter? Do you break down the verse like you are a back woods surgeon? Which ever way you do it, make sure you preach that it is the only way to do it, and that everyone else is as crazy as a TBN salesman...uhum...I meant TBN preacher.

You must take the verse, "Your word I have treasured in my heart," to mean whatever you want it to mean for your study.

So, if you break down verse by verse and parse it like you are going to teach a class in Hebrew and Greek, then that is the only way to do it. Those people who just read their Bible are as shallow as a kiddie pool, or a Presbyterian baptismal, and need to get to some real study. I mean how will they know that Jesus died for their sins, unless they know that the term "died" in the Greek means, "died"?

But, if you are a Presbyterian baptismal, then you must assert that those who do more than just read the Bible are going a little far. They are just cold theologians who love their knowledge more than Jesus. Don't they know that Paul said, "knowledge puffs up"? Keep saying that the reason that you read the Bible like you do is because they were letters written to be read in one sitting. If the Corinthians didn't sit around parsing sentences then why should I? Wait...the Corinthians knew Greek? And lived in that culture? Hmmmm...maybe I should study some more?

Not only should you press everyone to study just like you but you also should make sure that they study at the same time and for as long as you do. Everyone knows the best time to study is in the morning. You have to start your day off with Jesus or there is no way that you can be a strong Christian throughout the day. You're not a morning person? Get over it, you have to be, to be a strong mature Christian. Not only should you start your day with Jesus but if you don't study, or read your Bible (if you're one of those), for at least an hour, how do you get anything out of the Bible? What do you do, read your Bible for 20 minutes and then pray? You do? You must be a shallow Christian. What? You read the Bible at other times during the day too? You are also reading Christian books and listening to sermons? You live out your Christian study by serving others? Hmmm...not sure what you are getting at but those things need to be put to the side to make sure that you study for an hour.

This post seems silly and is silly. But, I have run into many people that not only believe that their way of study is a good way, but the only way. I have run into people who believe that if you don't spend an hour a day, in the morning, with a complete understanding of Greek and Hebrew, then you are not really doing Bible study. Not only this, but if they speak to anyone who doesn't study the way that they do, they look down on them. I don't mind people who try and help others with Bible study, but some take this so seriously that it makes me laugh. Some forget that people learn in different ways and at different times. Some are morning people some are night people. I have given much advice on this issue, but I used to be really weird in my views of how "it should be done." I used to be one of these, "only in the morning, and at least for 30 minutes," kind of guys. I was weird. Still am, but that is way beyond the point.

I think both of the views of Bible study I gave above could learn from each other. I have found at times myself breaking down one verse for days on end, and have also found myself simply reading through different passages to get a full view of things. But, to say that "one size fits all" works about as good as that big ugly shirt in the corner of your closet does, that you got because you were one of the first 3,000 fans at the minor league baseball game.

Let's be gracious in this. Let's learn from each other in this. Let's find what works for others and do something amazing with that information...try it for ourselves. Maybe you will find a way that you didn't think would work in the past for you, but actually opens up the Scriptures in ways you haven't seen in the past.

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 4

Before I start to have some fun with this post, I must ask that you have a sense of humor here. I am going to step on a lot of toes here. But, it's fun and I don't mind. I will mainly be focusing on home schooling vs public schooling. I was personally public schooled and I still have all my faculties and didn't sell my soul to the devil...although I was close a couple of times, but his offer wasn't quite good enough. I know many on both sides of this issue, so have at me if you will...and let's have some fun...and if you get a little mad at me, sorry, get used to it if you read these posts because they hit a lot of people in places they don't like. Including myself. Without further adu (however you spell that little word, remember I was public schooled)...let's do this and watch the carnage.

Step 4 is that you must raise your children like I do! This is a must for any parent. You must know that how you raise your children is absolutely correct and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially when you decide to keep them at home to learn on the couch as school starts at half past noon. You must get very dogged about this one. You must understand that homeshooling is the only way to raise your children, especially with all the little demons running around out there. I mean what would happen if they actually came in contact with a person who is a pagan? These pagans might touch them and infect them with the disease of "God hate."

You must understand that public schools are the devil. You must understand that there is no way that your child will be able to go through that and come out a Christian, but will be a flaming liberal. If you have to use Scripture to prove your point. My favorite is found in Deuteronomy 6:4-9, it is the Shema. It states (I'll put it in red so it looks more official):

“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
Deuteronomy 6:4-9

How can a parent be diligent with their children to teach them this if they go off to school all day with the crazies? Remember that the time before school and also the time after school doesn't count, diligence can only happen between the times of about 7am to 3pm, according to my homemade Jewish calendar. It's right beside my wife's dress that she made from our old curtains. This (the time of diligence) just happens to be the time they will be at school! Also note that you can just ignore the other facts that are spoken in Deuteronomy, such as the dietary laws in chapter 14 and the ceremonial feasts in chapter 16. Also, don't worry, you don't have to write things on your forehead or put Bible verses on your front door, although most people that I know beleive that "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord" should be a staple on all front doors of believers. Why don't you have to do this? I don't know...cause I said so? Will that work? Sometimes ignoring Scripture works especially if you want to be a good legalist. Just say it with authority with a furrowed brow...that usually works.

Oh, and if your wife does all the schooling at home, that is okay too, even though no Jewish family would agree with you when applying Deuteronomy 6. The Jews took this to be the man's responsibility to do this, but the man is at work all day, and remember, diligence can only happen between 7am to 3pm, so the father obviously can't do this. So ignore that no Jew in the time of the Bible did it like this, and let the wife do all the teaching.

I just can't believe that anyone would want to send their kid to public school. I mean...there are non-Christians there. They might talk to your child. So, if your child happens to go to a public school, tell them to just run screaming if they see one of these people called, "non-Christians." Those kinds of parents that send their kids to public school must not care for their kids. It's not like they can read the material ahead of time, meet with teachers and be involved in any way. That is just crazy. Plus, the PTA really stands for Parents and Teachers for Anarchy.

And if any of these people bring up how Daniel went and had a secular education you should just say that was a one time occurrence and Daniel was lucky that Nebuchadnezzar liked him so much. Daniel wasn't really a light in the darkness, but it was like a Red Sea occurrence. You aren't going to tell your kid to try and part the Red Sea just because Moses did it, are you? Well, maybe you would if you think public school is okay.

We didn't even get to talk about Samuel going to get educated by Eli and that most Jewish boys would go to the synagogue to learn at the age of 7. I mean, how can your children learn Math unless the Math teacher is a Calvinist? 4+4=TULIP

Just remember that homeschooling isn't just a way for the legalist, but it is THE ONLY WAY...at least if you are a Christian who loves your children.

If you want to be a legalist and send your child to public school this becomes a little more tricky. But, all you have to do is continue to see that those that homeschool seem to be born in a bubble and have their hair combed by someone stuck in the fifties. Make sure that you over analyze things and always come up with the excuse that "how can Johnny know how to handle himself in the world if he is not in it." Remember that everything happens between 7am and 3pm and you will be well on your way to understanding how this plays out. Also, learn the following phrase and you will be good, "I don't want to shelter my kids forever." You must get that phrase down if you are going to be a legalist with a child that goes to public school. It is essential.

Okay...so here is the truth of the matter. You can quote any verse you want at me, but none of them tell me to homeschool my child. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is my favorite passage because most take it way out of context and act like the parents can't be diligent with their children if they are going to school. Now, will parents who send their kids to public school have to be diligent? Yes, of course. I know of a parent who reads every single one of the books that will be on her child's reading list for the upcoming year. She meets with the teachers and principal. She is completely involved. She is also MORE involved than most of the homeschool parents I know. I have homeschooled kids coming to me and asking about some whacked out doctrine that they just learned from their home school teacher on video or at their co-op. So, it goes both ways. You can be either really diligent in both circumstances or just plain lazy as well. Don't assume that if you sit your kid in front of a DVD player with a teacher while your child is in bed all day that you are being a diligent and loving parent. Also, if you allow your child to go to public school don't assume that asking, "how was your day" is being diligent. Because usually your kid will usually leave out that he went to history class then skipped Math class to smoke marijuana and make out with Sally behind the bleachers.

Can we please remember Daniel. Can we please remember Samuel. Can we please remember that God has plans for everyone. Some he desires to be homeschooled, some he desires to be a light to the public school. Did you know that when your child gets out of high school and goes to that private college that their are non-Christians there and also profs who don't believe in the Old Testament? Then what? Do you know that your child might work for an atheist? Did you know that Jesus was amongst the roughest people around? Now, are we to be more careful when the children are in our houses? Yes, of course that is why we must be diligent with them to teach them the Shema. Diligence doesn't only come between the months of September to June from 7am to 3pm each day though.

I always laugh when I find that some are homeschool only people. I really can't believe it. I also laugh when I find people who are public school only parents and say that the homeschoolers are "sheltering" their children. Both of these logics are far off. Remember, I am not saying that if you believe in homeschool or public school that you are a legalist. It is when you start putting this yoke on others fiercly is when you start to the be "crazy uncle Ron." Why don't we let the Lord work in the hearts of parents on how they should raise their children and what they connotate as "diligence." I will probably send my child to public school and be on top of things. I want my child to be there to give Christian insight, to show that Christianity is still "in." That it is still here and growing. That God didn't go away and die like Nietzsche would have some believe. I am also not going to throw my child into the den of wolves and say, "good luck, be a city on a hill." I will be diligent and teach them the ways of the Lord and ask him to share that with those that have very contagious disease of paganism. But, I will tell him to watch out when they sneeze.

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 3

We are really moving now. We have seen in Step 1 how to build up our pride so that we understand that, basically, everyone sucks besides you. Step 2 was a reminder that everyone must dress the way that you dress. Step 3 is going to take us to some even more practical ways to make sure that you become all you can be when declaring and raising the flag of legalism. Which, if I had thought of it, I would have made a flag and had a link to buy it from here. Not sure what it would look like, but whatever it looked like, you would hate it and find ways that it was wrong, so what is the point?

Step 3 is going to show that we need to have a Bible version picked out and ready to defend against all other heretics out there who teach from a different Bible that is in your fake leather Bible protector. It probably matches your shoes and your pocket protector, so we'll just move on before I get too many responses.

Choose any Bible. There are good reasons to own any Bible and bad reasons to own all the others. What I will tell you is that once you choose one, make sure you erase from your memory any negatives about that translation and only focus on the positives. For the translations that you didn't choose do the opposite. Forget any possibility of them being good translations and make sure you focus so much on the negatives that only the naive, immature, closed minded "Christian" would decide to choose such a poorly translated "bible."

I honestly don't even know all the arguments for each one, but I know one thing for sure: my bible is way better than your crappy bible and my daddy is stronger than your daddy too.

I have seen this argued from both sides. One side being very dogmatic about the King James Only...these guys are way cool. They are so dogmatic about the 1611 King James Bible that they believe that it was literally inspired by God as a translation. Now, these are guys that any legalist should look up to. To go this far is awesome when you are trying to become a legalist. Of course you have to make sure that you look past any errors (click here for errors) in the translation by quoting "God's word shall endure forever" until you are red in the face. Believe me, the more you quote it the more you will believe it. Wait...I should restate that from the inspired, infallible translation: the word of our God shall stand for ever. These guys are really cool too because they have decided to still use words like "thou" and "thee" when the only people that still use these words are the mechanical presidents at the Hall of Presidents at Disney World.

They will use big words, so make sure that you can get this stuff down. They will talk to you about the Textus Receptus, Byzantine and Massoretic texts. Just be ready because you will want to learn these things if you decide that this is the way you want to be the next great up and coming KJO legalist. The cool thing is that you can use words like "pisseth" and "ass" because those words are in the King James Bible. I am tempted to join their team just for those two reasons, but I already wear a suit and tie 5 days a week and really would rather not wear one everywhere I go.

I mean how cool would it to be to be able to read aloud Judges 5:10

Speak, ye that ride on white asses, ye that sit in judgment, and walk by the way.

Or what about 2 Kings 9:8

For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel:

Sure it reads like Yoda, but you can cuss with permission...wow, if that isn't emergent, I don't know what is. Can you picture an emergent KJO dude in a suit with holes in his suit pants, just so he can yell at everyone during his conversation within his community? Rad.

The other side that you can go, if the King James isn't your style because you don't ride in a horse and buggy or grow your own wheat, is those that love their Bible and hate the King James just cause it is old. The motto becomes, "because it's old, it's out." These people are pretty cool, because they have no arguments besides, "who wants to say thee and thou?" They get pretty crazy with this and become legalists in very weird ways. They only use the Message or Good News Bible and cry out that these paraphrased bibles "opened their eyes and changed their life." Now that is something I can get behind. Once something changes your life, everything else that didn't becomes the wolf in sheeps clothing. So, what happens is that the translation becomes as big of a deal to these guys as does the KJO crazies.

Here is the secret here. To become this kind of legalist is pretty cool, because you don't have to have any training at all in any original language, in any history of Bible translation or any care for what has been handed down. Seriously, who cares what it says in the Greek and Hebrew? Just keep saying, "it changed my life" and that is all you need to hang your hat on. When someone asks you about why certain phrases are completely left out of the translation (just look at what one KJO guy has to say about it) or why it is very loose in it's translation and argues for the sake that it might just be a commentary, just ignore them and make fun of them for their "wooden" versions. Stick with the, "it changed my view of the bible and all other translations are too hard to read" mentality and you will be well on your way to seeing that your "translation" is the only one...even though you might never say that.

Plus..."the message" sounds better than having to use the word Bible...what does the word Bible mean anyways?

Here is the basic premise of this post. Get over the translation thing. Some are better than others in certain areas, but the idea that there is one translation over others is a complete joke. Choose the Bible that you feel is the closest to the original tongue and let others do the same and you will be on your way to loving God and not hating people. I believe that there are some that are better than others, and would suggest some over others, but this idea that the King James is the only way is seriously a funny thing, if so many people weren't so angry about it. Use paraphrases for what they are supposed to be for: reading, not studying. Seriously, any paraphrased version should be honest to let you know that they interpreted a passage to make it easier to read, not to get the full, original wording out of the original text. Understand this and use them wisely. I would tell people to choose from the KJV, NKJV, ESV, NASB or NIV and you will be on your way to understanding what God meant to be said. Just don't make others feel as though they are idiots for choosing the one that you decided not to.

HT: Fundy Reformed; Bob Hayton

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 2

Well, hopefully you have the first step down and now you can move on to step two. This is where we take the pride learned in the first step and apply it. We need to learn that people need to also look like us as well. Go take a look in the mirror and then take a look at your closet, now everyone must look like that.

Remember this goes both ways. If you are one that parts your hair down the side, that is the standard, if you have purple hair then all those who have their hair parted are frickin weirdos and must hate Jesus. If you like wearing a cardigan for Jesus then all those with skulls and crossbones and weird buckles all over their clothing must be freaks that are of the world. So...

Step 1: Make sure that all Christians dress like you. Whether you dress like the businessman or you dress like the crack dealer downtown, know that the opposite of how you dress are the weirdos that don't really love Jesus. So, those people that have holes in their jeans and black Converse need to know that Jesus doesn't love the way that they dress. Jesus only loves those people who look like you do on the outside, forget the inside. Or, if you see someone in church that has a button up shirt and a tie for the sake of Christ, don't they know that they are boring and just conforming to the world's system? Here is the point. People need to dress like me to love Jesus like me.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

I am sure that we can come up with an interpretation that will fit within our view of clothing somehow. Just say it with authority and hope that no one challenges you on it.

Step 2: If someone looks like a crack dealer, lives on the same block as crack dealers, acts like a crack dealer, they must be a crack dealer. Can you believe that some people would wear all black and like rock music? Don't they know that it is of the devil? Who cares if you have never talked to them, there is no need because you don't want to be a part of the world. If someone hangs out with them and lives amongst them they must be one of them! Maybe the Pharisees were right:

The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’
Luke 7:34

I would rather watch the drunkards and crack dealers from afar instead of talking to them because I might get infected by their dirty sin. Plus, if you decide to be amongst them, what will the people in the church think? No matter that the Pharisees were the people of the "church" back in the day and decided it would be a good idea to kill Jesus.

Step 3: Why don't all pastors wear suits to church? Doesn't everyone know that we should dress our best to impress? I have heard it said that if you were to meet the President of the United States how would you dress? Then that is how you should dress for Jesus. (wait...you mean some wouldn't dress in a suit to meet the President?!) Especially the men speaking for Jesus.

I have heard a story where a man from Africa came over and was turned to Jesus by some missionaries. He was asked in what ways would he have done it differently if he could have some input for further mission's work.

His reply was:

These preachers love Jesus, no doubt. But, after we were converted they told us that we must abandon the clothes of our tribe and put on suits and ties, cause we needed to dress correctly for Jesus. The African said, that would be the only thing I would change.

Man, this African guy needs to lighten up and understand that Jesus does care about your clothes and it should always be the clothing of the United States Business Man. Who cares if some see it as a symbol for greed, Jesus needs your money too!

Who cares that the New Testament only speaks negatively when speaking of those who dress up in fine clothes. Who cares if Jesus wore the clothes that were appropriate for his culture, for the trade that he was in and the people that he was reaching. Men like Hudson Taylor were used by Jesus but Jesus hated that Mr. Taylor decided to respect the Chinese and dress like them, he should have had on a suit and tie.

Here is the point of this post. The only time that we see glamorous robes for God's people being used is in the Old Testament when the Gospel was really a "come and see" Gospel as John Piper has put it. Not only were the priests girded up with the bling, but so were all the temples of God along with his ark of the covenant that was definitely something to gaze at. But, as we left the "come and see" gospel behind and came into the "go, seek and save" gospel we only see the act of dressing up to be mentioned in the negative, not the positive. Take a look at James 2 and 1 Tim 2:9.

We are to emulate Jesus. Jesus dressed in the culture he was in, this is why Hudson Taylor should be our hero and not our foe. Taylor was amazing in that he changed his entire look to fit in with the culture because he felt that God had called him to that people.

Here is the bottom line. Dress like the people that God has called you to be with, but don't assume that it means that you must be in a three piece pimp suit if you are serving a bunch of people that dress in jeans and t-shirts. Suits are NOT the clothing of God. I should know,I wear one everyday to work. Why do I wear a suit? Because my clients who are seniors think that I am smarter if I do and most of my clients come from an age that suits were appropriate for my field, so I play their game and deal with it. Why do I cover up my tattoos when I go to work? Because most of my clients would throw a hissie fit if they saw that I had tats. What if I were to wear my suit to youth group? I would be an idiot. What if I wore my hat on backwards to work? I would also be an idiot.

Your clothing does not glorify God, your heart does. So, if you are sporting purple hair and skulls on your t-shirts to get a reaction, you are in just as much sin as the dude in a three piece showing off his bling. So, if the preacher wears a clown suit to get attention and prove that God doesn't care about clothing, he has missed the point, because does care about the intention of why you do things.

But don't put a burden on people just because you don't like the way that they dress or look. I love when people speak out against people with purple hair and then I ask if their wives color their hair. Most of them say, "yes." So, then, it's not if we can color our hair but God is now pleased with which color we choose for our hair? That is messed up.

We need to understand that they guy rolling in a Benz needs the same Saviour that the punk rocker in the VW bus with weed smoke coming out the window does. Love who God has called you to be, who he has called you to minister to and who he has made you into and love all others and respect who God has made them to be as well. Who knows, maybe the guy with purple hair, tattoos and earrings in his nose loves Jesus? Naaaah...no way...that is just too weird. :)

Jesus is no respecter of persons and neither should we.

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist: Step 1

Before we start this series, I want all to know that the reason that I am doing this is primarily to make fun of myself. Most of the things that you will see presented here, I have believed, or lived out, at some point. I might not have said it out loud, but my mind and my heart definitely condemned me on these. I hope that the discussions will allow for a little laughing at ourselves and also at how we come across when we are dogmatic about any of this stuff. Also, know that this will not only hit those that we would think look like legalists, like most of those I have run into in the IFB, but also any of us that really truly think that it is our way or nothing else.

So, just because you don’t wear a suit, believe in exclusive Psalmody and dream about you ruling the world when theonomy becomes the norm, doesn’t mean that you have escaped the trap that we call legalism.

Let’s get down to business.

The first step in becoming a legalist is to realize that you are the best and everyone else sucks. If you can get this step down, you will no doubt be well on your way in allowing for all the rest of the steps to fall into place. You need to definitely do some certain things to make sure that you can get this down.

Step 1: Realize that you should emulate, as much as possible, the publican in Luke 18. You must thank God that he made you so good and so much better than all these other sinners out there. I mean seriously. You dress appropriately, you listen to the right music, you pray more, you study better, you use the right translation of the Bible (not just talking about KJO guys here...hint hint) and if these other guys would get it, they too could be loved as much as you are by God. You really should thank God for not making you like these other people who are not as mature as you are. For you are God’s anointed and these other “Christians” just aren’t there yet. So, if people don’t look like you, worship like you do, pray like you do, go to church on the correct day at the correct time, then they are just immature and need to grow up and be a big boy…just like you.

Step 2: Pray for others. You need to pray for everyone else because they need the most work! When they ask for prayer requests from you, make sure you give them some answer that will make them think that you need prayer, but you know in reality, you don’t need that much prayer because you are on your way to perfection in the eyes of the Lord. Your progressive sanctification is almost complete, you just need the glorified body and you’ll be good. Make sure prayer time becomes a time of eloquence and perfect timing of your words and let everyone know how much you will pray for them, but whatever you do, don’t open yourself up for others to pray for you because they might think that you aren’t as stellar as you truly are. I mean, how much do their prayers matter anyway? James 5 says that the prayers of a righteous man accomplishes much, not the prayers of these people. Thank God that these people have you to be the righteous man, so that someone’s prayers accomplish something.

Step 3: Act like you are listening when others talk. Although James 1:19 says that we are to be quick to hear and slow to speak, it doesn’t say that we can’t be thinking of a way to rebut someone as soon as they shut up! I mean really, why do they have to talk for so long without adding anything to the conversation? Why can’t they just shut up?! Start realizing that others that don’t know as much as you do of the word, culture or whatever topic is being discussed, have nothing to add to the conversation. So, when they are speaking, don’t listen, but ready yourself for an answer. If you listen you will be wasting your time because they don’t really have anything to teach you. Who cares that the Word says,

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel. Proverbs 12:15

This isn’t talking about you, because you aren’t a fool. Right?!

Step 4: Realize that your way is the correct way. Why can’t everyone be like you? If people would just be like you then the church would run so much smoother and be more glorifying to God. Sure, the church wouldn’t be the body that is described in 1 Corinthians 12, but that church was messed up and if they just had you as their pastor, they wouldn’t have done all that stupid stuff.

Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Proverbs 26:12

Don’t you feel sorry for the wise man described in this verse? Thank God it isn’t you! Make sure that you don’t take reproof from anyone because they don’t understand the Scriptures or methodology they are to be carried out with, like you do. They can’t even use big words like you. They don’t even know how to defend the Regulative Principle against the Normative Principle, they don’t know the difference between infralapsarianism and supralapsarianism, how could they ever give you advice? But, remember step 3, just act like you are listening and quickly put them in their place by using those big words so they understand whose the man! I mean, think of this...some people have to actually click on the links in this very article to see what these words mean...what morons for Jesus.

Overall, you really need to make sure that you realize that you are the man! You still need to do the “biblical things” so that people will think that you are teachable, but seriously, what can they teach you that you don’t already know? But, you aren’t prideful because you know that it is all by God that you are a Calvinist or it is all because of your choice that you are an Arminian. So, you give God his glory by studying, praying for others, correcting others and trying to make sure that everyone understands the correct interpretations of Scripture since the Holy Spirit has only been given to you and a bunch of dead guys. If you are a Calvinist, it by God’s grace that he has made you so intelligent, and if you are an Arminian it is because of your intelligence that you saw the light and they are still in the darkness. I mean, what would God have done if it wasn’t for you in the 21st century? Who would he use? He definitely wouldn’t use anyone in your church or any of those people in that other church across town. So, thank God (or yourself) that you are here to put everything in order.

Here is your motto to live by: Learn from No One, Be ready to Teach Everyone!

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10 Steps to Become a Legalist

I thought it would be kind of funny and informative to do a series on "How to Become a Legalist." The reason is that I have found that in my past I had some real legalist tendencies. But, the one thing that I have always told people is, "Show me in the Bible, and I will change." Because of this, I have changed a lot in the past 5 years.

Just to give you some background. I grew up in the Bible belt in Oklahoma as a pastor's kid until I was 12. Then, we made the transition to moving to the Seattle area. Let's just say that these two are not even close to being the same in any way. The only way that they seem to be the same is that both contain sinners, but, one hides their sins (Oklahoma) and one could care less who knows of their sin, so they flaunt it (Seattle). My father was never into legalism and always thought the same thing that I did...Scripture before everything else. I think I lost some of this thought as I started doing some study in the Scriptures and listening to some who had good ideas about the practical implications of Scripture (at least in my mind at the time) but really the ideas weren't grounded in Scripture. The were convictions but should have never crossed the line into full admonition of sins unto others.

In the past 5 years, I have been all over the place. I have gone from caring less about serving and glorifying Christ, to a legalist in many ways, and now to someone who believes that they are moving in the correct understanding of who Christ is and the mission that he has for me. So, I thought I would put some of my own personal interaction with topics, where some of them used to be my own convictions and others being ones that have tried to be placed on my back as a yoke I could not carry.

So, I am going to do a series on how you too can become a legalist. As I write these I want people to understand that not all of these are bad convictions but once you cross the line and make your convictions, sin for all others, that is when you start to place your yoke on the neck of others that are unnecessary. I will make sure that this is placed in each post so you can see the balance that is necessary when thinking on these different topics.

So, here is the list I will go through in the upcoming weeks:

1. Everyone sucks besides me: a lesson on how to build up your pride
2. People need to look like I do
3. People need to read the same Bible I do
4. People need to raise their children the same way I do
5. People need to study the same amount of time and the same way that I do
6. People need to pray the same amount of time that I do and pray how I pray
7. People need to do church how I do church
8. People need to listen to the same music I listen to
9. People need to watch, or not watch, the same things I watch
10. People need to abstain from everything...well except food and money

These ten will of course be elaborated on more as we study these topics. I would love some interaction and stories on things that you have come across when going through these topics. I hope it is fun and also convicting as we look at the unnecessary yokes we put on others.

May we do all things for the glory of God and not ourselves.

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